(seriously she is the CUTEST!!)
So here we are getting into our groove of being home and trying to manage some sort of "schedule." And during my first true week home with my girls I had one of those tragic reminders of how lucky I am hit. A girl, who I didn't know personally, but danced at the same dance centre as my girls got sick very suddenly and it attacked her organs and 5 days later she passed away. This little girl is a 5 year old and in kindergarten, like Kayla (ok K is 6) and I don't think any parent can even imagine having to go home one night and your little girl is no longer a part of your home. The whole thing just really hit me hard. Yes it was extremely sad, but it left me feeling convicted for how much I take for granted.
As any parent knows, adding an additional kid to the family always has a transitional period where you are all adjusting to a new baby being home and taking care of that very needy newborn. Add to that the very little sleep I was managing to get and you get a lot of frustration and short tempers. To make this time even more special we were smack dab in the middle of winter which equals all kids stuck inside!
(Poor Bryon)
So as you can imagine I was always frustrated and just trying to convince my older kids to go play by themselves and give me the two minutes of quiet time before Claire needs to eat again.
So here we are in the middle of this "new" adventure and this realization hits me in the midst of the tragic tragic death. Instead of being annoyed my girls want to kiss (read this as smother) their baby sister, be joyful in the fact that they truly fell in love with this sweet new addition to our family. Instead of constantly trying to send them off, find ways to spend time just playing with them however they want, even if it means bouncy a baby seat with one hand and playing barbies with the other. It was time for me to be the one that was inconvenienced, instead of my kids. I need to be in the moment, and stop being frustrated that they crave my attention. You truly never know what the future holds, and if my biggest concern is Abby wants 16 hugs before bedtime, then my life is pretty good. Yes, I still have a right to get frustrated on that 16th hug, but I need to keep the perspective of all I have to be thankful for.
I wish I could say this is the tragic reminder I need and forever and ever I will cherish every moment, but let me be honest, it won't. I know there will be a time (most likely when Bry is in Germany and my parents are on vacation during the same week) when I'm going to be frustrated and just want my kids to leave me alone, because, well I'm human. But I'm truly hoping I can start to really enjoy those little moments with my kids, those moments where I get to watch what makes them smile or laugh and what brings their imagination to life. I got that opportunity this past weekend and it was such an incredible memory. I took the "big girls" on a special date night to see the musical Beauty and the Beast at a nearby high school. We got all dressed up and I curled the girls hair and we headed out for a night on the town!
I got to watch their faces light up during Be Our Guest and when the Beast turned into the prince and they all lived happily ever after. It was just an amazing night with the two older girls and it was so nice to be out of the house and have my attention on only them. I didn't have to fit them in, in between feedings and diaper changes. And Bryon even pretended Claire was really good for him until we were home and then told me how much she hates him (she truly doesn't she just hates her crib!). The rest of the weekend was just as great, Kayla had a basketball tournament and we went and saw Cinderella at the movie theater. The first signs of spring were here and we FINALLY got to play outside! OHHH and the best part Claire is finally starting to sleep in her crib!
So what is the point to this extremely long ramble (besides Kayla being the cutest basketball player ever!) Try to find those little moments among the frustration of our day to day schedule to truly appreciate all that you are blessed enough to have. Yes, I know we all have our bad days and when you have kids your schedules are pretty much non-stop and tiring. But I'm trying to really focus on how I speak to my girls. Occasionally I get frustrated and they run off upset and I try to remind myself, what if that is the last thing I ever get to say to them? I'm not trying to guilt any of us into thinking we are horrible parents, because if you are my friend I guarantee you are an amazing parent.
I know we are all going to have our moments, days, and sometimes even months. But even in those moments, try to find the good. Last Wednesday, I was upset all afternoon that Claire was diagnosed with bi-lateral hip dyplasia (please don't ask me what it is because I honestly don't know or really understand it) and we have to go see an orthopedic specialist and probably have her wear leg braces. I felt like no matter how hard I try my kids always have health issues as babies. What am I doing wrong and in general I was just down about my luck. Then this little girl passes away unexpectedly and I realize, yes it stinks that I have another baby who has another health issue, but I get to have her home every night and I get to hold her, and talk to her, and feed her. Does it suck she has to go get these braces, yep, is it the worst thing that could happen, absolutely not.
So, I know you are probably thinking, Lindsay this isn't rocket science, I read a gazillion blogs a day reminding me to be grateful for all that I have. And really all I can say is, so I have I and it never sinks in so obviously you need another one to remind you :) Ok, I'm kidding, I guess this is just my way of trying to hold myself accountable to be more in the moment with my kids. And if along the way, it helps remind you, well that is a bonus for me. So as we embark on the journey of me being home, I will truly try to stay in the moment, and really enjoy watching them grow up because it is already going too fast!
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