A New Adventure

Ok ok, so routine is not my thing. I realize I have not posted since MAY?? Really May? But I promise there are plenty of good excuses and reasons for this lack of writing. The first, our laptop has lost all motivation to work and I think my boss would disapprove of me spending my days blogging while at work. The second, I have kids who have hectic busy lives (notice my kids have lives, not so much me). But the third real reason is we are expecting! Yes, you read that right, the girl who shipped all baby related things out of her house as soon as Abs outgrew them is having another little GIRL! Now I realize this is pretty old news if you are a friend in real life as this baby girl seems to be ready to make her appearance at any point in the next five weeks (she seems to think she is too good for a January birthday). As I sit here writing this blog in fact I'm writing through lots of little contractions. I really had high hopes this child we have dubbed Gremlin was going to be my easy going baby and so far this pregnancy has been anything but that. But I am so excited for her to get here and become a part of this chaotic family.

So as we get closer to the arrival of this Gremlin I have so many anxieties. What if this precious girl has problems as bad or worse than what we went through with Abby? How will we get through something like that again? How in the world am I going to handle a baby in our chaotic life? Will I ever sleep again? And as I make yet another trip to the restroom at 2am because Gremlin enjoys kicking my bladder non stop I realize it will all work out. One huge thing has become apparent to me over the past 6 months or so...it truly takes a village. Between my parents, the most amazing babysitter and friend in the world (seriously everyone be jealous because I won the lottery with babysitters!), our friends and family it takes us all to keep my kids alive, fed and where they need to be. I am so lucky to have everyone I do in my life. So a little catch up...have I mentioned Kayla started KINDERGARTEN!!!!! I know I can't believe it myself yet I think I somehow managed to hold back all the tears the first day I had to walk her to school.

Yes you are reading that right, she is the class of 2027. No don't bother trying to figure out gremlins graduation year, I'll be lucky to still be alive :) Abs also started preschool. Because of schedules we had to make a preschool change a month into the year, but she seems to love her new school and is learning a lot. She is still our free spirit!

Both girls are busy with dance and church and being the crazy kids they are, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I can't wait to see how little Gremlin's personality forms (hopefully healthy and liking sleep a lot). The girls are so excited to have another sister and I am so excited to watch them all grow up. The only other fun news is Bryon got an amazing promotion and is finally on first shift. It has been so much fun having him home, after I adjusted to the whole snoring at night thing again. But when I look at our family there is not much I can complain about. So that is just a little update, I promise I will try to update once our Gremlin makes her appearance. Until then I hope everyone has a spectacular Christmas and New Year!!!

Spring is Here...I think?

Do you ever have those weekends where you get to the end of them and are completely exhausted yet refreshed at the same time?  That pretty much explains this weekend!  I got a MUCH MUCH needed girl's weekend to Columbus with some wonderful women (and they willingly put up with my crazy antics).  We attended the Women of Faith Conference, and I am back home and ready to go...I am refreshed!

Speaking of motherhood I need to make an announcement,  I am the proud mom, well proud co-mom, to a beautiful baby (ok 14yr old) boy! 

Sheena and I have adopted Ramon, from the Dominican Republic.  He is 14 and we can't wait to get our girls involved in coloring pictures and writing letters to him! I would share a picture of him here, but Sheena is hogging the one picture we have of him (just kidding bestie)

But I digress, anyways I am going to share first lots of amazingly crazy pictures of what it looks like when a bunch of moms get two days with no kids, and second a little update on my chaotic life!

(yes when we get a weekend away, we hang out by the urinals)

                           (and this is how we take pictures)    (unlessyour best friend from MI is sitting  

                                                                                    about 25ft away from you! ps this was not enough                                                                                        time with you Melissa!) 

(and last but not least you spend your weekend photo bombing pictures)

Speaking of photo bombing, if you happen to be reading this and realize that beautiful lady in the green shirt just happens to be in your group picture and you have no clue why, please contact me :)

So as you can see it was a much much needed mom's weekend out!  I'm not sure they will let us out again anytime soon.  

Wow, is it finally Spring?  It must be, because I am horrible about sitting at the computer writing when it's nice outside.  Spring hit and we have been busier than ever.  Kayla is now in full soccer mode.  There is really nothing funnier than watching a group  of 5yr olds play soccer.  They sort of migrate down the field together and then one superstar kid takes it and scores.  Kayla is not that superstar kid most of the time, but she did try to kick it at the goal at her last game which is an improvement from dancing at the opposite end of the field!

Kayla has also started Tball, so we have spent a lot of time at the park lately.  Other than that we are finishing up Pre-K and Dance and I am so looking forward to summer when there is a lot less pick up and dropping off happening during my work day! 

Then there is Abs....

Abby is currently on a sleeping strike.  It takes around two hours to get her to sleep and now she seems to be crawling her way into my bed in the early morning hours.  But she is Abs and loud and independent.  She is excited to start Pre-School next year and dance. She practices her dance moves with big sister ALL THE TIME

So as you can see, we have been keeping busy, which leaves little time for blogging.  But I promise I won't disappear for years, just days at a time.  And you should do the same. Walk away from the computer and go play in this beautiful weather with your kiddos!  Alright, I am off to pick up the kiddo from dance then picnic time.  Happy Spring Everyone :) 

Time For A Change

Hi, my name is Lindsay and I'm finally admitting I am in a funk!  Let's face it, this winter has been horrible.   I have pretty much motivated myself to go to work and that's about the extent of my winter days. I just have no motivation to do much else lately, even our daily dance parties have been put on hold.  I have decided it is time to make some changes.

We recently took a trip up to visit my sister and the week leading up to it all I could think was this is the break we needed.  Bryon got to spend the weekend dry walling, while my sister and I shopped and took the girls to the water-park.  

We had a blast and the whole weekend was great.  But the thing I found when we got home Sunday, I was still in a funk come Monday morning.  I didn't feel relaxed and refreshed ready to face a new week.  So if vacation isn't the answer to my funk, I turned to my two favorite things, music and quotes.  So here is a list of quotes that are going to motivate me out of my funk starting today and a couple of songs that are helping along the way as well.  

Quote #1:  "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

This could have been my life motto through high school and college, and then I became an adult and had kids.  And now it seems like it is so easy to get caught up in the everyday stresses of life we forget it really doesn't take much to make a difference in someone's life.  I was talking to a friend the other day about some of what I think is causing my funky ways these past couple of weeks and that is this myth we have all fed into as adults that if you aren't in a job of power you can't make a difference.  I will be the first to admit my career will never be my all, the thing I base my life upon, it's not what will bring me happiness.  But at the same time I want to be remembered as someone who made a difference in my community.  As I get older I want people to feel like I had a positive impact in their lives in some way, and to me I don't feel I need a powerful job to make it happen.  However, I do need to start doing something and finding ways outside of work to start making an impact.  

Another quote that could go along with this is "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, what are you doing for others."  It's time to start focusing on how I can help others more and focus on me less.  

Quote 2:  "You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy"

I have found myself letting the crap that doesn't matter bog me down over the past few weeks.  I don't know if it is because the little stresses that normally don't bother me I used to work out at the gym or why the past few weeks this has changed.  But I need to shake all the yuck off that doesn't matter.  I'm not here to fight other people's battles that I have no part in.  I am ready to get back to focusing on myself and the goals of my own life.  So this quote was a nice shove to remind me, get rid of the toxic stuff that has no place in my life other than to weigh me down and distract me.  

Quote 3 & 4:  "Be the type of person that makes everyone you come across feel perfectly OK with being exactly who they are."

"Be an encourager.  The world has enough critics."

These two sort of go along with the quote above.  I need to say enough with the negativity and love and accept people for who they are, regardless of whether I agree with their choices.  This is a big one for me when it comes to my youth cycling class because I tend to find myself getting frustrated with certain kids because our personalities clash.  I have one in particular who will distract and disrupt my entire class if he is in the right mood, but I have found through the past two weeks we have made a connection with our love of writing.  So now I can focus him on telling me about the books he wants to write and get through a whole class with no major disruptions.  Instead of being annoyed and frustrated I can really connect and who knows, maybe impact his life as a positive encourager with something he enjoys.  

Alright, I will stop boring everyone with my motivational quotes.  But I will insist you listen two amazingly encouraging songs that can only leave you inspired to make a difference.  The first one is by Matthew West called Do Something.  Really just the title of the song makes me feel lazy!  The second one is by Hillsong called Oceans (although my lovely and amazingly talented friend, Lynne Nagel, puts the actual song to shame with her voice!).  These two songs have been on repeat this weekend and I can attest to them changing your attitude.  I am finally at a place where I feel refreshed and positive and ready to make a a change.  How exactly I am going to do that has yet to be determined, but I have no fear or doubt that I can do it...I have a few ideas up my sleeve, but that is for another blog post :)

For those that are feeling in this same type of nasty winter rut or life rut, I hope that maybe these quotes that motivate me may do the same for you....and if not, never fear, sunnier weather is around the corner.  So remember, "Either you run the day or the day runs you."

Three is the Magic Number (No I'm Not Pregnant People!)

There was never any doubt that Abby was the missing piece to our family when she was born three years ago.  How is it possible that it has been three years already!  In true Abby fashion, everything in her own  time, Abs made a very quick appearance into the world (51 minutes after getting to the hospital).  I am still working on forgiving her for denying me time for an epidural.  But she was perfect, she looked just like Kayla, and she was such a laid back baby she made parenting a newborn relaxing the second time around.  I had no worries with her, she was the second kid, she was going to be our "easy one".  

I was a little off in that theory however.  Yes the first two weeks were relaxing and great, then the next 10 1/2 months (ok maybe the next two years) were, well I'm not even sure there is a word to describe it.  As most of you know by now Abs was born with a congenital lung disease and had a lobe of her lungs removed at 3 weeks old.  There is no feeling worse than having to hand over your newborn baby to a nurse you just met for an 8+ hour surgery and trust that she will come out alright.  Well here we are three years later, and while that first year  or two was filled with doctors appointments and set backs from her time in the hospital, I consider myself one of the lucky parents who can say I have a healthy 3 year old dancing around today.  Just like I do for Kayla, here is my journal entry for Abby's third birthday.  

Dear Abby,

     I sometimes can't believe it has been three years! I have a mix of emotions when I think back to you as a baby.  While I wanted to cry, pull my hair out, and take a really long nap most days, I saw what an amazing fighter you are.  I know that this will be a trait you will always have.  You insist on doing everything by yourself and you rarely want help.  In fact you would rather run around screaming for twenty minutes trying to figure it out on your own than ask mommy or daddy for help.  I think Kayla may be teaching you the art of dramatics when you are locked in your room because you are following in her footsteps when it comes to that.  But you are stubborn and you insist you will figure it out on your own time. 

 I love watching you grow up.  You have faced more challenges than any kid should have to and you always fight through them and come out a stronger kid on the other side.  I hope that these traits carry on as you get older.  You are confident and know what you want, and that is a special thing.  You are going to grow up to be a great leader some day.  You know the perfect time to make a joke and bring laughter to our house as well as when mommy or sissy just need a hug after a rough day.  You are the comforter of the family.  

When you were first born I thought I made a huge mistake having you and Kayla only two years apart because for the first year Kayla destroyed you, then you caught up and destroyed her for a year, but this past year has changed my mind.  It makes my heart melt to hear you two giggling in your bunk beds at night and playing everyday.  You have realized at a young age you are going to grow up to be best friends and Kayla will always be someone you can count on and vice versa.  Always remember that and don't let the little fights tear you apart.  Learn from each other and continue to be my little rock stars. 

    I'm sure you have heard this story 100,000 times by now but your middle name Rachel is after mommy's best friend.  She had a way to always know exactly what I needed to hear to cheer me up or pull me out of a bad day at work.  She had a smile and laugh that you couldn't not be comforted by.  You are living up to that middle name and I know there are wonderful things in store for your future if you grow up even half as amazing as she did. I always wish you could have met her because you are so much like her it is amazing.  

 I have so many wishes for you Abby.  I want you to grow up knowing how independent and strong you are.  That you can face any challenge and come out on the other side a stronger, wiser person.  I want you to keep being yourself!  I love seeing what crazy outfit or idea you will come up with next.  We never know what story or funny thing will come out of your mouth next.  You keep us guessing and definitely on our toes.  We will never forget all the different challenges you have put us through this past year.  You have cut your own hair, pooped in the bath tub, started climbing on kitchen counters....and jumping, and how can we ever forget the worst trip to El Azteca when you decided to puke everywhere.  We never know what you are going to leave us to deal with next and you keep us on our toes.  You have made this family a happier place and we love you so much!   

Love Mommy

So there you have it, three years of Abby.  If we have learned anything from Abby it is not to doubt what someone can do just because they have been faced with challenges.  Because  of the time Abby has spent  in the ICU we have a bond and understand those feelings parents have when their child is sick. I have talked to many parents whose kids either had much worse illnesses or some minor complications and we all have a bond from going through the experience.  The one thing all of these amazing kids I have met have in common is how stubborn and strong they are.  It seems the more a kid has to fight to live, the more they fight to be independent and get through challenges as they get older.  Like I mentioned above, it is hard for me sometimes to look back and think about everything we went through.  Abby's hospital stay was truly the most difficult thing I have ever gone through.  I have never felt as helpless as I did standing by her bed watching every alarm going off and the nurses and doctors trying to figure out what is going on, and I couldn't do anything.  It is a feeling I would never wish on even my worst nightmare.  It is a feeling no parent should have to go through, but unfortunately a lot of parents are faced with it. And we are the extremely lucky ones, we got to bring home a healthy baby who you look at today and would never guess she was failure to thrive her first year of life because she couldn't gain weight.  It is going through this that has taught me to give these amazing little fighters more credit, because they are all destined to do great things because they can handle any challenge thrown their way.  

So for Abby's birthday I am going to hold and cuddle and laugh with her and remember how amazing she is and how lucky we are as a family, because not every family I met during our time in the ICU has that same fortune.  Happy Birthday Abigail Rachel!  

Just Another Manic Monday?

All parents have had those days, weeks, months where we are at the end of our rope and feel like a kid is always tugging on our shirt, or wiping their nose on our sleeves, or begging for a snack.  We all have those moments where we mutter a phrase similar to "just stop talking" under our breathes or in frustration yell out "JUST GO TO SLEEP!"  Kid's roles in our lives are to drive us insane so they can have us committed when we get older and rule the world.  But it's funny how all of those little things that we view as annoyance change in an instant.

This is the case for me as I sit here writing it after spending some extra special time with my girls tonight.  You see what started as a typical Monday morning (other than I had to register Kayla for Kindergarten!!) changed in an instant when a half sheet of paper was handed to me at preschool drop off.  We learned a family in Kayla's class was faced with their worst nightmare, their son was diagnosed with leukemia.  I don't know this little boy or his parents, I do know I have heard Kayla talk about him quite a bit, but none of that mattered.  I think all parents get that pit in their stomach as soon as they hear another family going through something.  You get that moment of just sadness and heartbreak for that family and what they will have to face, and then that since of guilt for taking for granted the time we do have with our kids.

By now we all know I have a problem with over commitment and always being busy.  So because of this I try to enjoy the time I do spend with my kids.  For the most part I love bedtime. I love spending time reading them stories, or making them up like my dad used to do (come on Andi you remember the girl who wanted a pony but got a pig because she wore pigtails!) and tucking them in.  But there are nights, even weeks sometimes, where I want to rush through it and get out of there room and enjoy my quiet time for an hour before bed.  But tonight, I felt like I could sit in there and cuddle with Abs and listen to Kayla tell me stories about dinosaurs stealing her cds all night. I wanted to soak up as much time with them as possible.  And I got to thinking, why does it take a sad situation to remind us that these moments are just that, moments.  Before we know it, our babies are registering for kindergarten or going off to college.  We never stop to think about the what if's until something like this hits closer to home.

What's the point of all of this you ask..I wish I could tell you.  I wish I could sit here and say that from now on I will cherish every minute I get to spend with my kids.  That I will joyfully let them crawl in bed and smile when they kick me in the face at 2am, but let's face it, life gets in our way.  I'm sure for this week I will hug my kids a little tighter and listen more closely to their stories.  But ask me in a week and I bet I will be frustrated that Abs waited until after she peed on her chair to tell me she had to go potty or pulling my hair out trying to help Kayla pick an outfit out for the day.  I wish I could say I don't need the daily reminder that not every family is lucky enough to have these be their biggest problems, but I am human.  We tend to be busy people who forget how good we truly do have it.  So I guess the point of this is to serve as a reminder for all you amazing parents out there...these little frustrations in our life are just that, LITTLE frustrations.  We can mutter under our breathe and sigh heavily, but let's try to remember some parents wish these were the frustrations they were dealing with.

So while I still have this reminder of just how amazing these two crazy kids are, even during the frustrating time, I'm going to go tuck them in a little tighter and start to prepare for the battle of what to wear with Kayla.

Things that are really really awesome...and other amazing things

What a difference a peek of the sun can make! We are finally getting a glance of Spring which is hopefully right around the corner.  So with the positive energy of the amazing sun, here is my list of things that are really really awesome....and some other amazing things from the past couple of weeks.  

1.  Sidewalks-  If you are my friend on Facebook you saw me mention how spoiled Bryon and I have been the past seven years.  We have never lived in a neighborhood that didn't have sidewalks, until now.  We attempted to take a walk today and with the lack of sidewalks through out our neighborhood Abby will be lucky to survive to her fifth birthday.  Seriously people, suck it up and get sidewalks.  And to those of you who stepped up and have them already, WAY TO GO!

2.  Cousins-  I thought I was really lucky to have some amazing cousins.  We have grown up and now live scattered across the country, but you get us together at a wedding and we will be the first ones out on the dance floor and laughing like it's our weekend ritual.  But obviously the amazing cousin gene has trickled down because Kayla and Abby are lucky enough to have to really great cousins.  They love being together and are truly best friends, like Karli writes. 

I do need to point out that as of Monday Kayla will only have one cat. 

Kayla, Abby, Karli, and Drew get together and it doesn't matter what they are doing, they have fun.  The age difference seems to make no difference.  I love watching their friendships grow and hope they remain best friends.  

3.  Loving my job- Part of why I like my job so much is I work in a building with some really great people.  One of those happens to love President's Day and presidential history (especially Lincoln) in general.  Because of this, every President's Day my book collection on the Presidents seems to grow.  This year, however, the book was a kids interactive learning book, and the girls love it! Usually when your kids are unusually quiet you expect them to be up to no good, so it is refreshing to walk in and find this instead. 

They learned all about Ronald Reagan today

4. Our Sun Porch-  I know, I know this room is so great that I need to mention it all the time?  But seriously this room is magical.  The girls will play in the room for hours by themselves or I can sit and enjoy a cup of coffee in the  morning before they wake up.  Part of the magic might be that the sun is actually out now that we have this room, so it seems to be a magical room.  But I love it, so it is going on my list of really really awesome things...and other amazing things. 

5. My family-  And not just my family now with Bryon and the kids.  I'm talking about the most amazing parents ever, mine of course, and the coolest brother and sister out there.  I love that my sister and I can go weeks without really talking but I know she will be there for me in a heartbeat. Or at least sending me texts to let me know every time she has a snow day.  And my brother has become one of Bryon and I's best friends over the past few months.  The girls love spending time with their favorite Aunt and Uncle, and will find any excuse possible to go visit Grandma and Grandpa Askins (tonight's excuse was Kayla needed their stapler).  So for all of you who think your family is the best, I'm sorry but mine wins.

Maybe we should try to get a more recent picture???

So there you have it, a few of the positives in my life over the past few weeks.  Sometimes in the dreary winter season it can be easy to focus on all the blah things in life.  It is nice to every once in awhile take a step back and look at the bigger picture of all the amazing things we do have.  Now take a minute and remind yourself of the great things in your life.  Hurry and do it now, before you realize it is snowing outside again!

The Day Kayla Punched Me In The Face, With Her Wisdom

Before I start this post, I feel I need to make a very important correction. I have made a pretty big mistake when I compared my daughter to a gremlin.  I have come to realize, she is in fact E.T.'s sister!

See the resemblance? Now I know why she wants my phone all the time!  

Now, on to the point. As I mentioned before, we moved.  What I didn't talk about was the downsize of the move.  The house we lived in before this was a 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bathroom two story house with a basement.  It was the first house we have lived in that wasn't a one bathroom ranch style house and I thought I would love it!  However, I quickly came to find out that having those 2 1/2 bathrooms means you have to clean 2 1/2 bathrooms.  And having an extra bedroom and two extra rooms on the main floor, gave the girls three rooms to fill with toys. But I still enjoyed the space because the girls have a lot of stuff.

But we moved, and we are now  back to the ranch style house.  I was dreading it as we packed up our house, because where in the world will all of the stuff go?  I realized we were going to have to part with all of those baby toys we are storing for that imaginary third baby we are never going to have, because to be clear I'm still not pregnant.  So we have finally made the move, and slowly we are unpacking the boxes and I know eventually we will find a place for all of that stuff I couldn't bring myself to part with.  

That isn't the thing that has amazed me over the past two weeks though, it's my girls.  I thought moving into the smaller house would be harder on them, but they love it. Every afternoon when I pick them up all they talk about is wanting to go to the new house.  They tell me how they love our new house more than the old house.  And while they are still drama filled girls, they don't fight as much. 

The girls have had a blast and aren't just asking to watch movies all the time. They seem clueless to the fact I have donated a ton of their toys! They are helping us set up their new playroom, which is our unfinished basement.  I thought they would hate it, but they spend hours down there now because they have so much space to play.  Yes to be fair, while we downsized space, the basement is the perfect set up for the girls. Their imagination is coming to life again.  Not that Kayla and Abby were ever boring, their playing imagination seemed to be on winter break though.  On their own, they have set up a house area and a grocery store.  They have even taken bike rides around the basement.

My girls have been my living proof that less really is more.  They don't need every toy ever made or 6000 different playrooms.  They have a few toys on our amazing porch which is all windows and heated (it has turned into the new favorite room for all of us), but otherwise they play in the basement or hang out in their room.  And they are the happiest kids ever the past few weeks.  So of course this only brings me back to that big glaring flaw I have, over commitment.  If I have seen that less is more why do I continue to constantly book every minute of my life?

This became very obvious this past week.  I wasn't home this week, and no I wasn't travelling or anything like that. I spent outside of sleeping, maybe six hours at home from Monday-Saturday morning. Thursday after being gone all day and getting home at 9:30pm Kayla made the comment that I am never home and it was like a punch to the face.  The last thing any mom or parent wants is the guilt you haven't been around for your kids. I did a horrible job of putting my family first this past week.  Now, to be clear, I don't always neglect my kids and Bryon.  Normally my weeks aren't quite that hectic, this just happened to be one of those times where everything fell on the same week.  

I'm sure you are all sitting there thinking to yourself, "but Lindsay you said you were going to start saying NO occasionally this year.  Have you neglected your New Years Resolution already?"  And to those of you who are saying that I would respond with a silent glare first, but then I would say...Yes I did!  So far this year, I haven't bought a guitar, I haven't gotten a sewing machine, and I am even more over committed than usual. If anything my five year old calling me out has given me hope that I may still succeed in at least one of my resolutions. Because I had the eye opener of the past week, I  realized the time has come to learn that dreaded N word, NO.  For the sake of my kids and Bryon, who has stepped up and helped out WITHOUT COMPLAINING, while I run around with my head cut off.  I like to think I can do it all, but until I have the ability of flight or time travel, it's just not going to happen.  Until then I have to start living by the less is more mantra.  The less I commit to, outside of work, the more I get to enjoy my awesome kids in our new house that they love.  

So to wrap up just remember, Abby=ET not gremlin, If you do buy a smaller house make sure it has an amazing basement, and STOP ASKING ME TO HELP YOU WITH STUFF.  All of you enablers know who you are! 

  

Marriage is....

Let's face it, there are a lot of articles, blogs, Facebook posts out there that act like marriage is easy peasy.  For those of us in reality, we know this isn't the case.  Marriage isn't always great, but if you love your spouse it is worth the fight.  It's as if most of us go into marriage thinking getting to the marriage is the hard part and the staying married is the easy part.  But you quickly find out that is not the case at all.  Bryon and I have been tested in every possible way and are still here fighting for each other, so I have decided it is time to shed a little bit of light on the reality of marriage.  Maybe, just maybe if we start being honest about marriage, people will take a second before rushing in or assuming you can stop working at it once you have the rings.  Here it is, my take on the truth of marriage!

Let's start at the beginning shall we.  I met Bryon back in my young days, 8 long years ago.  We had a blast from the beginning.  If you have ever watched the movie Fever Pitch, that best describes my life during the first year with Bryon.

For those who don't know Bryon, he is a little bit obsessed with his Detroit Tigers.  Yes, if you haven't heard, Bryon runs the Tigers....in his fantasy land in his head.  Anyways, we spent our first spring/summer/fall going to MANY games and in true Fever Pitch form, we went to the playoffs and World Series that 2006 fall.  We even made the Detroit Free Press with a half page picture of us at the World Series for game 2, when it snowed on us.  However, for those of you who know Detroit Tigers World Series history, you know they choked and lost.  

So in the depths of Bryon's baseball depression, I must have been the bright smile he needed and we were married in May of 2007.  I can't put the exact date because I like to keep Bryon on his toes and this would give him an outlet to come find it.  Once we were married reality set it.  We quickly found out marriage was really hard and you couldn't just coast through it and survive.  Our first year was compounded with Bryon working an off shift and me working for a hockey team and spending most of my weekends with very long hours at the hockey rink.  We quickly started to put our own wants and needs first and focus less on each other.  Those cute cards, scavenger hunts, and little things we did for each other seemed to fade away and we both just became selfish. 

This was our first year of marriage and it had many many bumps in the road but we somehow made it through and celebrated our first year with the news Miss Kayla would be joining our life.  While we both made changes and attempted to put our marriage first, we definitely weren't perfect and we still struggled.  Our marriage seemed to be a roller coaster ride, when we were on the uphill we had a blast together but on those downhills you never knew what to expect.  But we were somehow managing to stay afloat and fight on.  Then Abby came along and put us through yet another test.  

The way Bryon and I dealt with Abby being hospitalized as a baby was different for each of us.  As a mom, I felt I had to be there and put all my focus on Abs.  Bryon immersed himself in work because he was too worried to be too close.  Neither of us were dealing with it in a wrong way, we just simply forgot to be there for each other.  We lived separate lives and it only built from that time.  I spent Abby's first year focusing on her and not on my marriage.  And I think Bryon would agree he did the same in his own way.  It is crazy to me to look back and wonder how we lived such a snow globe life.  We looked truly happy from the outside.  And I think if we didn't look too deeply into it we thought we were.  We grew comfortable just going around doing our own thing and not putting taking care of each other.

Well what I have learned from that is you can only run from the problems you refuse to acknowledge for so long.  And we must be pros because we pretended for almost three years.  For three years we lived as a family but basically ran separate lives that occasionally overlapped!  How crazy is that?  When we went out and did stuff together we had a great time.  We always do, but we weren't putting each other first.  

see life of the party

So because I respect my husband and myself, I won't go into the details of every crappy thing we have done to each other (I know those of you who love to gossip are dying right now!) but we have both put each other through the ringer.  I still look back at some of the stuff I have done to Bryon and wonder why the heck he has stuck around (other than to help him get stuff off the top shelf) and I'm sure Bryon looks at things he has done and wonders why I'm still here with him (other than to pick up stuff I drop on the ground).  But we realized after 5 years of marriage, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK AT IT!  We came to a point where I think we can both honestly say we thought we were done, but instead we took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.  

We looked to ourselves and what we could do differently to change this marriage.  That marriage is supposed to be something you do together and yes at times you have to fight tooth and nail to keep it going.  But if you truly love your spouse and see that those amazingly good times outweigh the really bad times, you will fight for it.  And we made that decision it was worth the fight.  I think we were both pretty hesitant when we first made this decision, but these two motivated us.  

Our marriage is far from perfect, but we are fighting and it isn't always easy but those amazing moments when you get a date night out or a family trip to the zoo they remind you why it is worth it.  We still do some really crappy things to each other, but we are also fighting harder for each other.  We are taking that extra breathe before jumping to conclusions or saying something to just upset the other.  We are making the choice daily to leave the past in the past and start fresh.  It is hard and we both occasionally slip on this one but we are getting better everyday. While we may have been hesitant to start this fight, we see it is worth it.  

But it isn't going to magically happen, we both have to put the effort in.  It means compromising more often and giving up things you want to do occasionally.  It means putting in the work to plan a date night at least once a month to reconnect and get away from it all.  That is a huge one for us, when we skip those we get all out of funk!  The world today is full of instant gratification and I think it has seeped into our mindset of marriage.  People think if they have to work at their marriage they must be with the wrong person.  I'm sure Bryon and I thought that at some point in our past, but we have realized EVERY marriage takes work.  So there is my long winded story and my little bit of advice.  Pleas fight for your marriage and put in the work.  You will see amazing results and realize how worth the fight it is. 

Disclaimer- I am far from an expert on perfect marriages, but sometimes the best advice can come from those of us who have hit the bottom and clawed our way back up.  

Weekend Update- Did I Forget to Mention We Moved?

Do you ever have one of those weekends where you look back and wonder how you managed to fit it all in?  That is how I am feeling about this past weekend!  It was an exhausting but a great weekend.  But before we get to my weekend, I first need to say...

AHHH Snowmageddon is back!

Ok, now that I have that out of my system let's move on.  I'll start with the big exciting news that I somehow forgot to share with pretty much everyone, we moved!  My parents are officially devastated that we are no longer a walk across the street, but now a full two minute walk around the corner.  On a clear day I can still see my parents house out our back window so I think we will all survive after an adjustment period.  My weekend had a six hour head start because I somehow was guilted into taking a vacation day because Bryon seemed to think he couldn't move all of our furniture on his own.  I mean what is the point of marrying a strong tool and die maker if he can't move all of the furniture on his own?  (I kid of course Bryon, love you!). So I spent 6 hours moving all of our heavy mattresses, couches, tables and added at least 15 bruises to my legs.  Tall people just aren't meant to carry things.  However, we are finally moved and currently half moved in, half living out of boxes, but eventually we will get there.  

I'm sure by now you are wondering, how moving can make for such a great weekend?  It wasn't so much the moving part of my weekend that was great.  It was this amazing group of ladies I got to spend time with at our churches women retreat.

As an explanation to the picture above I feel it is necessary to mention this picture was taken after several 100 cups of coffee and A LOT of chocolate had been consumed.  We couldn't be held responsible for our actions by this point, hence the picture.  Anyways, several of these wonderful ladies I had known from either our kids, other small groups, the gym, or through work.  However, Friday was the first time I met several of them and obviously you can tell we didn't hit it off at all.  I spent 8 hours with these ladies and shared more laughs than I have in a long time.  

While I spent a majority of my time laughing, and not just those polite laughs when you are pretending someone is funny, I'm talking convulsing in laughter laughing, I also realized these women are so encouraging. Like I mentioned I had just met some of them and we all felt open enough to share high points and low points in our lives and be there to offer encouragement or advice and even a hug if needed.  I left and felt like I had seven new sisters, or cousins for a day, who I could call if I ever needed them (in case I ever lose a boyfriend in Germany).  Yes that is an inside joke, eight hours together and we had a handful of hilarious inside jokes.  Trust me they are funny.

Friday and Saturday reminded me of something I had been missing since moving down to Ohio, my girlfriends.  I had a great group of friends I could always count on in Michigan.  Friends who would drop anything and help me with the girls when needed.  Friends like my bestest Melissa, who was daring enough to take not one but two double strollers to the zoo with me!  And we survived!

While I have made many friends since moving down here, I left this Saturday encouraged that I have formed the start of some great friendships to come.  As long as my uncontrollable laughing when they fall or hurt themselves doesn't scare them away first.  Seriously, it has to be a disease! They are the sweetest circle I know!  And while they will never fully replace Melissa, because she is irreplaceable, they were a great reminder of the friendships I am missing out on since moving here.

The rest of my weekend was filled with boxes, packing, unpacking, and some good movies.  Watch Captain Phillips, but not after 8 cups of coffee and right before bed, it is intense!  But there you have it, my weekend update.  It started with a move and ended with seven "new" amazing friends. 

To Be Clear, I'm Not Pregnant And Other Things About ME!

OK, there seemed to be some confusion in the title of my last blog so I'm here to clear it up.  I AM NOT PREGNANT!  Even Kayla must have read the blog expecting a pregnancy announcement because she has spent the last week and a half asking if I have a baby in my belly and then randomly telling people about it. I would like to reiterate one last time, there is no third baby, or triplets. However, it was brought to my attention that I have spent a lot of time talking about the crazy antics of my kids.  Most of you now know my kids prefer to be naked, hate sleep, and sometimes take on gremlin characteristics, but what do you know about me? So I'm taking the time tonight, if my kids will allow me, to tell you everything you have ever wanted to know about me.  OK just kidding, but here are five fun facts about me!

1. I have my own version of blue steel and it is this look.  It is the face in almost every picture of me in the last two years.  I'm not sure why I feel the deer in the headlights look is a good one for me, but I have yet to change it. 

2.  I love, love, love, love, (add two hundred thousand more loves in) MUSIC.  I have to have it playing pretty much all day.  At work I have it on, in the car, at home.  And I will listen to pretty much any type of music.  My top bands currently are The Lumineers, Mumford and Sons, and Gary Clark Jr., and the Frozen Soundtrack because I have two daughters.  I demand if you don't know these bands stop reading and go to you tube and start listening.  Amazing!  I'll admit it, even the Frozen Soundtrack is catchy. 

3.  Ok, now that you are done listening to my great taste in music, I will continue.  I have been known on the random occasion to break out into random rapping AND interpretative dance around the office. Now I won't lie, I think the rapping of TLC's Waterfall may haunt my coworkers for the rest of their lives, but I choose to consider myself the female version of Eminem?  And let's face it, happy birthday is much more meaningful when you add a dance to it.  My dance moves, well I will let you be the judge next time you see me bust my moves, but I like to think they are pretty hip.

4.  My kids are AWESOME at being a constant reminder of some of the greatest lessons in life.  

A little background to this picture.  This is Abby on her one month birthday, she had been on a vent for about a week and a half leading up to this and was sedated for comfort the entire time.  Because of all of the iv's, tubes, etc I wasn't able to hold her during that time.  I remember, it was exactly on her one month birthday that I finally got to hold her with no tubes and this was the picture taken by our nurse!  If you ever need a reminder to smile during the valleys in your life, this picture is a great reminder.  I think of everything Abs went through and yet here she is, a day off the vent and smiling away and still loving me and giving me comfort. 

And not to leave Kayla out, she reminds me to just keep trying.  If you fail, get up and keep going and you will achieve your dreams.  Kayla is five (yes I survived the actual birthday and she really is 5 now!) and has done a lot more than some kids in middle school because she isn't afraid to try anything. 

5.  As much as I love my kids, I love being able to go to work Monday-Friday.  I know, it is taboo to admit it, but I love working and getting time away from my girls. And no it doesn't mean I love my kids any less so let's just stop the judging now.  I found it crazy that I spent the first year back at work after having Kayla explaining why I wanted to work, you know other than that whole bills to pay reason.  Come on, how many places do you have pirate parties and other themed parties once a month.  I was devastated when I HAD to quit my job at MichiVan to take care of Abby.  

Who wouldn't want to work in this place??

But I have been on both sides, a working mom and a stay at home mom.  I am a much better mom to the girls when I get to have my adult interaction.  And I am lucky enough that right now my job isn't a demanding job and is flexible when I need to run and pick up Kayla from preschool in the middle of the afternoon.  You might be wondering, what amazing job do I have? I'm lucky enough to not have just one job, but two jobs!  My job by day is working as the assistant at our local Chamber of Commerce.  There is rarely a dull moment in our building between planning the different events and talking with the visitors who stop in.  By evening, well Tuesday and Thursday evenings, I teach a youth cycling class.  It is an interesting job, but I really enjoy working with the kids.  It gives me a glimpse into what my future will hold.  So yes on top of being an over committer, I also work two jobs.  

BONUS

That's right I'm going to give you a deep and meaningful bonus fact. My life is beyond hectic.  I feel like we are constantly going from point A to point B with a quick stop at McDonald's to get dinner (again stop your judging you know you do it too!) before getting Kayla to yoga or dance class.  But I wouldn't trade this life for the world.  I love that Kayla has already gotten to experience a musical, and a dance recital, and getting to be the opening act at a concert.  Granted she sat and laughed at the squealing speaker and attempted to knock down the microphones, but she loved it.  And seeing her smile and confidence grow in whatever new thing she is trying makes the constant running around worth it.   I know as Abs gets older it will just get more chaotic but I plan on getting a clone of myself to keep up!  I look at all the amazing experiences I have had in my life, not just with my kids, but my entire life and I am one lucky girl. 

So there you have it, five facts (five seems to be a theme in my blog, but I swear I'm not pregnant!) all about me.  I'm sure you will rest easier now that you know everything there is to know about me.  

Adios!

Five is the Magic Number

How is it possible that it has been five years since I was up all night googling what a contraction feels like?  Yes, for those who don't know the story of me going into labor with Kayla, I didn't actually believe I was in labor.  In fact I was so sure it wasn't labor I made Bryon go to work and told him not to worry even if it was contractions it would be a long time before I needed to go to the hospital.  Well it turns out about an hour later we were on our way to the hospital, or as I like to call it the land of epidurals.  Anyways, later that day Kayla Jeanette was born.

I need to make a side note here to point out that as you read this you need to pretend I'm writing this blog on Tuesday, January 21st, because as Kayla likes to point out, technically she is still 4.  However, I know how hectic our weeks get and wanted to write this after spending the weekend celebrating her 5th birthday.  

The past five years with our Kayla have been a roller coaster ride.  If anything I have learned I might move out of the country for her teenage years.  She is definitely our drama queen.  But although she is full of drama and worry over which glittery outfit to wear today, she has a huge heart and I can't imagine our lives without her in it.  When I first found out I was pregnant with Kayla (one week before our one year anniversary) I went out and bought a journal.  I wrote to Kayla all through my pregnancy and as she has grown up.  I record stories of the funny memories and keep pictures in it for her.  I plan on giving her this journal when she turns 18.  However, I thought I would share my letter to Kayla as she turns five. 

A quick side note....I won't lie, I am struggling with this fifth birthday thing.  I feel like she is moving into a new stage in her life and as exciting as all of it is, my first born is no longer a baby or toddler (even if she still wears some 2t clothes) and it's hard to accept.  I mean she is the kid I made all the mistakes on so by the time we had our second kid I wouldn't make mistakes.  That's how it works right? Anyways, here is my letter to Kayla.

Dear Kayla,

     I can't believe you are FIVE!  Where has the time gone?  I feel like we just brought you home from the hospital and laid you in your crib and stared at you wondering what the heck we were supposed to do now?  As you can tell we figured it out because you are five and still alive.  You are such an amazing girl Kayla.  There is never a dull moment in our house with you around.  Whether it is you singing and dancing on your desk or just sitting around telling me about how you looked at your boyfriend today.  Fingers crossed you  remember to talk to him tomorrow.  You are so full of life and you bring the best of everyone out.  

I'm pretty sure every year I have the same wishes for you.  I want you to continue to be the carefree imaginative girl you are.  I love when you make up stories about princesses and dinosaurs. I also love that you love to perform.  My absolute favorite time of every day is our time in the car together when we both sing at the top of our lungs to whatever song may be on.  I wish you would have met my Grandma Askins when you were older because she would be so proud of your love of music and performing.  You also love to dance and tumble.  Even though you try to tell me you don't like dance class I'm not falling for it.  Almost every time we watch a movie  you are either in a frog stand or a bridge watching it upside down.  I hope that confidence never fades and you continue to want to perform and shine.  

You are in preschool this year and even though you have a big love of boys, well one boy, you also love to learn.  You now will sit at home and write letters to Grandma or Daron, although I don't think you have ever given him any of the letters.  You try to read and spell on your own.  It puts a smile on my face.  Again I hope you continue to grow and want to learn new things as you get older. 

And last but not least I hope you keep going out of your way to be a caring, helpful kid.  Over the years there have been so many times I have beamed with pride over ways you have gone above and beyond what is expected to help someone else out.  I can remember being told about a kid being upset in school last year and how you spent the morning drawing pictures for him to cheer him up.  You share your change with other kids in church so they can get candy as well.  And even though you claim most days to not like your sister, you go out of your way to cheer her up and help her when she is upset.  I am so proud of the girl you are and hope you continue to grow in those same areas.

I hope you know even on those days when you make me want to pull my hair out (only the gray strands though), I will always love you and I am always here for you.  Happy 5th birthday.  

                                                                                           Love, Mommy

So there you have it, five years of Kayla!  Life has definitely not been boring with her around.  She is stubborn yet gentle.  She can be put in any situation and she does just fine.  I have a special soft spot for both of my girls for different reasons.  I talk so much about everything I went through when Abby was born and then hospitalized for almost a month, but I never talk about how amazing Kayla was during that time.  As if it isn't' hard enough for a two year old to accept a new sibling into their house, Kayla was thrown into a situation of barely having her mom around.  The first few days of Abby being in the hospital, Kayla lived a gypsy life and went from home to home being taken care  of by whomever had the time because I barely left the hospital.  Then once we had a surgery date for Abby set, Kayla went to stay with Grandma and Grandpa Askins for an entire week.  Kayla had never been away from me for more than a night and she was amazing.  Once she came back she spent the max 10hours a day in daycare while I was still spending my days at the hospital.  Then she normally ended up back at the hospital with me after I rushed to pick her up.  And although we definitely struggled with the normal terrible two attitude from her, Kayla was the most amazing child. She knew exactly how to make me smile and laugh during one of the most stressful times I had ever been through.  She worried about her baby sister and talked about her being sick and then was thrilled when Abby was finally back home.  Through that trial in all of our lives Kayla proved what an amazingly strong and independent person she is and I have no doubt she will have big plans for herself as she grows up.  For now those plans are to be a cowgirl who sings on tv Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday nights.  She would like Saturday and Sundays off.  

So it's almost here and time for me to accept that she is going to be 5...but not until Tuesday!  I'll stay in denial of her growing up until then.