Things that are really really awesome...and other amazing things

What a difference a peek of the sun can make! We are finally getting a glance of Spring which is hopefully right around the corner.  So with the positive energy of the amazing sun, here is my list of things that are really really awesome....and some other amazing things from the past couple of weeks.  

1.  Sidewalks-  If you are my friend on Facebook you saw me mention how spoiled Bryon and I have been the past seven years.  We have never lived in a neighborhood that didn't have sidewalks, until now.  We attempted to take a walk today and with the lack of sidewalks through out our neighborhood Abby will be lucky to survive to her fifth birthday.  Seriously people, suck it up and get sidewalks.  And to those of you who stepped up and have them already, WAY TO GO!

2.  Cousins-  I thought I was really lucky to have some amazing cousins.  We have grown up and now live scattered across the country, but you get us together at a wedding and we will be the first ones out on the dance floor and laughing like it's our weekend ritual.  But obviously the amazing cousin gene has trickled down because Kayla and Abby are lucky enough to have to really great cousins.  They love being together and are truly best friends, like Karli writes. 

I do need to point out that as of Monday Kayla will only have one cat. 

Kayla, Abby, Karli, and Drew get together and it doesn't matter what they are doing, they have fun.  The age difference seems to make no difference.  I love watching their friendships grow and hope they remain best friends.  

3.  Loving my job- Part of why I like my job so much is I work in a building with some really great people.  One of those happens to love President's Day and presidential history (especially Lincoln) in general.  Because of this, every President's Day my book collection on the Presidents seems to grow.  This year, however, the book was a kids interactive learning book, and the girls love it! Usually when your kids are unusually quiet you expect them to be up to no good, so it is refreshing to walk in and find this instead. 

They learned all about Ronald Reagan today

4. Our Sun Porch-  I know, I know this room is so great that I need to mention it all the time?  But seriously this room is magical.  The girls will play in the room for hours by themselves or I can sit and enjoy a cup of coffee in the  morning before they wake up.  Part of the magic might be that the sun is actually out now that we have this room, so it seems to be a magical room.  But I love it, so it is going on my list of really really awesome things...and other amazing things. 

5. My family-  And not just my family now with Bryon and the kids.  I'm talking about the most amazing parents ever, mine of course, and the coolest brother and sister out there.  I love that my sister and I can go weeks without really talking but I know she will be there for me in a heartbeat. Or at least sending me texts to let me know every time she has a snow day.  And my brother has become one of Bryon and I's best friends over the past few months.  The girls love spending time with their favorite Aunt and Uncle, and will find any excuse possible to go visit Grandma and Grandpa Askins (tonight's excuse was Kayla needed their stapler).  So for all of you who think your family is the best, I'm sorry but mine wins.

Maybe we should try to get a more recent picture???

So there you have it, a few of the positives in my life over the past few weeks.  Sometimes in the dreary winter season it can be easy to focus on all the blah things in life.  It is nice to every once in awhile take a step back and look at the bigger picture of all the amazing things we do have.  Now take a minute and remind yourself of the great things in your life.  Hurry and do it now, before you realize it is snowing outside again!

The Day Kayla Punched Me In The Face, With Her Wisdom

Before I start this post, I feel I need to make a very important correction. I have made a pretty big mistake when I compared my daughter to a gremlin.  I have come to realize, she is in fact E.T.'s sister!

See the resemblance? Now I know why she wants my phone all the time!  

Now, on to the point. As I mentioned before, we moved.  What I didn't talk about was the downsize of the move.  The house we lived in before this was a 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bathroom two story house with a basement.  It was the first house we have lived in that wasn't a one bathroom ranch style house and I thought I would love it!  However, I quickly came to find out that having those 2 1/2 bathrooms means you have to clean 2 1/2 bathrooms.  And having an extra bedroom and two extra rooms on the main floor, gave the girls three rooms to fill with toys. But I still enjoyed the space because the girls have a lot of stuff.

But we moved, and we are now  back to the ranch style house.  I was dreading it as we packed up our house, because where in the world will all of the stuff go?  I realized we were going to have to part with all of those baby toys we are storing for that imaginary third baby we are never going to have, because to be clear I'm still not pregnant.  So we have finally made the move, and slowly we are unpacking the boxes and I know eventually we will find a place for all of that stuff I couldn't bring myself to part with.  

That isn't the thing that has amazed me over the past two weeks though, it's my girls.  I thought moving into the smaller house would be harder on them, but they love it. Every afternoon when I pick them up all they talk about is wanting to go to the new house.  They tell me how they love our new house more than the old house.  And while they are still drama filled girls, they don't fight as much. 

The girls have had a blast and aren't just asking to watch movies all the time. They seem clueless to the fact I have donated a ton of their toys! They are helping us set up their new playroom, which is our unfinished basement.  I thought they would hate it, but they spend hours down there now because they have so much space to play.  Yes to be fair, while we downsized space, the basement is the perfect set up for the girls. Their imagination is coming to life again.  Not that Kayla and Abby were ever boring, their playing imagination seemed to be on winter break though.  On their own, they have set up a house area and a grocery store.  They have even taken bike rides around the basement.

My girls have been my living proof that less really is more.  They don't need every toy ever made or 6000 different playrooms.  They have a few toys on our amazing porch which is all windows and heated (it has turned into the new favorite room for all of us), but otherwise they play in the basement or hang out in their room.  And they are the happiest kids ever the past few weeks.  So of course this only brings me back to that big glaring flaw I have, over commitment.  If I have seen that less is more why do I continue to constantly book every minute of my life?

This became very obvious this past week.  I wasn't home this week, and no I wasn't travelling or anything like that. I spent outside of sleeping, maybe six hours at home from Monday-Saturday morning. Thursday after being gone all day and getting home at 9:30pm Kayla made the comment that I am never home and it was like a punch to the face.  The last thing any mom or parent wants is the guilt you haven't been around for your kids. I did a horrible job of putting my family first this past week.  Now, to be clear, I don't always neglect my kids and Bryon.  Normally my weeks aren't quite that hectic, this just happened to be one of those times where everything fell on the same week.  

I'm sure you are all sitting there thinking to yourself, "but Lindsay you said you were going to start saying NO occasionally this year.  Have you neglected your New Years Resolution already?"  And to those of you who are saying that I would respond with a silent glare first, but then I would say...Yes I did!  So far this year, I haven't bought a guitar, I haven't gotten a sewing machine, and I am even more over committed than usual. If anything my five year old calling me out has given me hope that I may still succeed in at least one of my resolutions. Because I had the eye opener of the past week, I  realized the time has come to learn that dreaded N word, NO.  For the sake of my kids and Bryon, who has stepped up and helped out WITHOUT COMPLAINING, while I run around with my head cut off.  I like to think I can do it all, but until I have the ability of flight or time travel, it's just not going to happen.  Until then I have to start living by the less is more mantra.  The less I commit to, outside of work, the more I get to enjoy my awesome kids in our new house that they love.  

So to wrap up just remember, Abby=ET not gremlin, If you do buy a smaller house make sure it has an amazing basement, and STOP ASKING ME TO HELP YOU WITH STUFF.  All of you enablers know who you are! 

  

Marriage is....

Let's face it, there are a lot of articles, blogs, Facebook posts out there that act like marriage is easy peasy.  For those of us in reality, we know this isn't the case.  Marriage isn't always great, but if you love your spouse it is worth the fight.  It's as if most of us go into marriage thinking getting to the marriage is the hard part and the staying married is the easy part.  But you quickly find out that is not the case at all.  Bryon and I have been tested in every possible way and are still here fighting for each other, so I have decided it is time to shed a little bit of light on the reality of marriage.  Maybe, just maybe if we start being honest about marriage, people will take a second before rushing in or assuming you can stop working at it once you have the rings.  Here it is, my take on the truth of marriage!

Let's start at the beginning shall we.  I met Bryon back in my young days, 8 long years ago.  We had a blast from the beginning.  If you have ever watched the movie Fever Pitch, that best describes my life during the first year with Bryon.

For those who don't know Bryon, he is a little bit obsessed with his Detroit Tigers.  Yes, if you haven't heard, Bryon runs the Tigers....in his fantasy land in his head.  Anyways, we spent our first spring/summer/fall going to MANY games and in true Fever Pitch form, we went to the playoffs and World Series that 2006 fall.  We even made the Detroit Free Press with a half page picture of us at the World Series for game 2, when it snowed on us.  However, for those of you who know Detroit Tigers World Series history, you know they choked and lost.  

So in the depths of Bryon's baseball depression, I must have been the bright smile he needed and we were married in May of 2007.  I can't put the exact date because I like to keep Bryon on his toes and this would give him an outlet to come find it.  Once we were married reality set it.  We quickly found out marriage was really hard and you couldn't just coast through it and survive.  Our first year was compounded with Bryon working an off shift and me working for a hockey team and spending most of my weekends with very long hours at the hockey rink.  We quickly started to put our own wants and needs first and focus less on each other.  Those cute cards, scavenger hunts, and little things we did for each other seemed to fade away and we both just became selfish. 

This was our first year of marriage and it had many many bumps in the road but we somehow made it through and celebrated our first year with the news Miss Kayla would be joining our life.  While we both made changes and attempted to put our marriage first, we definitely weren't perfect and we still struggled.  Our marriage seemed to be a roller coaster ride, when we were on the uphill we had a blast together but on those downhills you never knew what to expect.  But we were somehow managing to stay afloat and fight on.  Then Abby came along and put us through yet another test.  

The way Bryon and I dealt with Abby being hospitalized as a baby was different for each of us.  As a mom, I felt I had to be there and put all my focus on Abs.  Bryon immersed himself in work because he was too worried to be too close.  Neither of us were dealing with it in a wrong way, we just simply forgot to be there for each other.  We lived separate lives and it only built from that time.  I spent Abby's first year focusing on her and not on my marriage.  And I think Bryon would agree he did the same in his own way.  It is crazy to me to look back and wonder how we lived such a snow globe life.  We looked truly happy from the outside.  And I think if we didn't look too deeply into it we thought we were.  We grew comfortable just going around doing our own thing and not putting taking care of each other.

Well what I have learned from that is you can only run from the problems you refuse to acknowledge for so long.  And we must be pros because we pretended for almost three years.  For three years we lived as a family but basically ran separate lives that occasionally overlapped!  How crazy is that?  When we went out and did stuff together we had a great time.  We always do, but we weren't putting each other first.  

see life of the party

So because I respect my husband and myself, I won't go into the details of every crappy thing we have done to each other (I know those of you who love to gossip are dying right now!) but we have both put each other through the ringer.  I still look back at some of the stuff I have done to Bryon and wonder why the heck he has stuck around (other than to help him get stuff off the top shelf) and I'm sure Bryon looks at things he has done and wonders why I'm still here with him (other than to pick up stuff I drop on the ground).  But we realized after 5 years of marriage, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK AT IT!  We came to a point where I think we can both honestly say we thought we were done, but instead we took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.  

We looked to ourselves and what we could do differently to change this marriage.  That marriage is supposed to be something you do together and yes at times you have to fight tooth and nail to keep it going.  But if you truly love your spouse and see that those amazingly good times outweigh the really bad times, you will fight for it.  And we made that decision it was worth the fight.  I think we were both pretty hesitant when we first made this decision, but these two motivated us.  

Our marriage is far from perfect, but we are fighting and it isn't always easy but those amazing moments when you get a date night out or a family trip to the zoo they remind you why it is worth it.  We still do some really crappy things to each other, but we are also fighting harder for each other.  We are taking that extra breathe before jumping to conclusions or saying something to just upset the other.  We are making the choice daily to leave the past in the past and start fresh.  It is hard and we both occasionally slip on this one but we are getting better everyday. While we may have been hesitant to start this fight, we see it is worth it.  

But it isn't going to magically happen, we both have to put the effort in.  It means compromising more often and giving up things you want to do occasionally.  It means putting in the work to plan a date night at least once a month to reconnect and get away from it all.  That is a huge one for us, when we skip those we get all out of funk!  The world today is full of instant gratification and I think it has seeped into our mindset of marriage.  People think if they have to work at their marriage they must be with the wrong person.  I'm sure Bryon and I thought that at some point in our past, but we have realized EVERY marriage takes work.  So there is my long winded story and my little bit of advice.  Pleas fight for your marriage and put in the work.  You will see amazing results and realize how worth the fight it is. 

Disclaimer- I am far from an expert on perfect marriages, but sometimes the best advice can come from those of us who have hit the bottom and clawed our way back up.  

Weekend Update- Did I Forget to Mention We Moved?

Do you ever have one of those weekends where you look back and wonder how you managed to fit it all in?  That is how I am feeling about this past weekend!  It was an exhausting but a great weekend.  But before we get to my weekend, I first need to say...

AHHH Snowmageddon is back!

Ok, now that I have that out of my system let's move on.  I'll start with the big exciting news that I somehow forgot to share with pretty much everyone, we moved!  My parents are officially devastated that we are no longer a walk across the street, but now a full two minute walk around the corner.  On a clear day I can still see my parents house out our back window so I think we will all survive after an adjustment period.  My weekend had a six hour head start because I somehow was guilted into taking a vacation day because Bryon seemed to think he couldn't move all of our furniture on his own.  I mean what is the point of marrying a strong tool and die maker if he can't move all of the furniture on his own?  (I kid of course Bryon, love you!). So I spent 6 hours moving all of our heavy mattresses, couches, tables and added at least 15 bruises to my legs.  Tall people just aren't meant to carry things.  However, we are finally moved and currently half moved in, half living out of boxes, but eventually we will get there.  

I'm sure by now you are wondering, how moving can make for such a great weekend?  It wasn't so much the moving part of my weekend that was great.  It was this amazing group of ladies I got to spend time with at our churches women retreat.

As an explanation to the picture above I feel it is necessary to mention this picture was taken after several 100 cups of coffee and A LOT of chocolate had been consumed.  We couldn't be held responsible for our actions by this point, hence the picture.  Anyways, several of these wonderful ladies I had known from either our kids, other small groups, the gym, or through work.  However, Friday was the first time I met several of them and obviously you can tell we didn't hit it off at all.  I spent 8 hours with these ladies and shared more laughs than I have in a long time.  

While I spent a majority of my time laughing, and not just those polite laughs when you are pretending someone is funny, I'm talking convulsing in laughter laughing, I also realized these women are so encouraging. Like I mentioned I had just met some of them and we all felt open enough to share high points and low points in our lives and be there to offer encouragement or advice and even a hug if needed.  I left and felt like I had seven new sisters, or cousins for a day, who I could call if I ever needed them (in case I ever lose a boyfriend in Germany).  Yes that is an inside joke, eight hours together and we had a handful of hilarious inside jokes.  Trust me they are funny.

Friday and Saturday reminded me of something I had been missing since moving down to Ohio, my girlfriends.  I had a great group of friends I could always count on in Michigan.  Friends who would drop anything and help me with the girls when needed.  Friends like my bestest Melissa, who was daring enough to take not one but two double strollers to the zoo with me!  And we survived!

While I have made many friends since moving down here, I left this Saturday encouraged that I have formed the start of some great friendships to come.  As long as my uncontrollable laughing when they fall or hurt themselves doesn't scare them away first.  Seriously, it has to be a disease! They are the sweetest circle I know!  And while they will never fully replace Melissa, because she is irreplaceable, they were a great reminder of the friendships I am missing out on since moving here.

The rest of my weekend was filled with boxes, packing, unpacking, and some good movies.  Watch Captain Phillips, but not after 8 cups of coffee and right before bed, it is intense!  But there you have it, my weekend update.  It started with a move and ended with seven "new" amazing friends.