Can We Just Put An End to the Mommy Wars Already?

Earlier today I saw someone post a Facebook status about a mom (or who knows, maybe not even a mom yet) belittling someone's choice to do extended breastfeeding.  This person went on to stick up for those who made this choice and was then unfriended, others agreed and went as far as to comment breastfeeding at all was disgusting and grossed her out.  Everywhere we turn we are being told if we don't do A, B or C then we aren't good moms.  Whether it's breastfeeding/bottle feeding, sleep training/co-sleeping, or allowing your child to attend a school that teaches Common Core/homeschooling (the list goes on and on and on and on), we are always being told from somewhere what we are doing wrong.

But why?  What are we getting out of these mommy wars?  Do moms really feel superior putting down others who do things different? Now don't worry I'm not sitting up on my pedestal writing this blog about all you judgey moms, I've fallen into the trap as well.  I mean my kids are so well adjusted I'm obviously doing it right :) sarcasm everyone!

 (seriously what kind of parenting is causing this)

I know I'm not the first to say this, but can't we all just get along?  Instead of telling each other what we are doing wrong can't we give an encouraging smile or hug to that mom who is still sleeping in a recliner or on the couch with their 11 week old "newborn".  No seriously instead of reading that wondering who this horrible parent is that can't get their child on a schedule or to sleep for more than an hour (on a good night) in her crib, take that adorable baby and give the mom a five minute break (please!!!). 

 

The problem with these mommy wars is we all want to feel like we are doing the right thing when it comes to raising kids, however, how can anyone ever feel like they are doing it right.  Instead of giving us the confidence as parents, we are left feeling alone and often times like failures. I am pretty sure on many many occasions I can be heard making statements of how I have messed up my kids. It has taken me three kids to realize, all parents are just doing what works for them and gives them at least a little bit of sanity in the crazy game of raising kids. And really as long as they are loving those kids and giving them shelter and some food occasionally, do we need to judge how they do the rest?  Maybe instead of doling out everything a new mom should be trying, we should offer to give them a break and or a safe placea to talk about their stresses and offering advice only when ASKED!  And let's be honest, there is a difference between offering advice and telling them how they should be doing it. It's time to truly offer friendship instead of judgement.  The way I raise my kids is no better or worse than the way you raise your kids.  They are all loved, and for the most part fairly normal.  Are any of us perfect parents?  No, we are all going to make our own mistakes, but we learn, adjust and move on.  

Now is when I get to brag!  I have the most amazing friends in the world. Stay with me here, I promise it all ties together.  No seriously I do! You truly should be jealous of these amazing friends I have (unless you are one of them, then pat yourself  on the back for being awesome!).

I had some really awesome friends in Michigan, but since moving back to Ohio I have basically a second family.  These girls have gone above and beyond to be a support system to not just me, but each other.  They stop over for a visit to hold Claire when Bryon is out of town, or drive my kids to and from events, or bring delicious delicious meat loafs and other amazing meals when we bring home needy newborn babies.  But this is just the beginning of what's so amazing about them.  What I love best about these gals is there is never judgement.  We are there to support each other no matter what struggle we may be going through.  At no time do these girls tell me how I can get my kid to sleep in her own bed. Instead  they just listen to my concerns of finding a dorm room bed big enough for Claire and I to share at college and my fear of finding a bouncy seat big enough for her professors to bounce her in when she gets fussy.  But it goes beyond parenting, we are there to support each other no matter what the struggle, image, relationships, marriage problems, ANYTHING.  

So that is my bragging, I have awesome friends and I'm a perfect parent.  Ok fine, but I do have awesome friends.  They challenge me everyday to be a better person because each and everyone of them is so amazing.  So that is my challenge to you.  Instead of judging that mom at school drop off or sitting across the aisle at church, find ways to encourage them.  It can be as simple as an encouraging smile or a simple, "it's going to be ok" when they are embarrassed by their toddler throwing a tantrum.  Let's stop putting each other down and join together, because let's face it MOMS ARE THE BEST!  And we are basically like superheroes, so imagine if all the moms joined forces instead of fighting each other.  

Ok, I must finish this...I hear the call, or cry, of a newborn who wants some superhero cuddles.