Lessons Learned From Franklin, OOPS I Mean Claire

Ok, so in case you forgot my name is Lindsay.  Remember that last time I blogged and I had this beautiful newborn baby who I raved about being the easiest and best kid.  I'm pretty sure she looked something like this....

                                Ok, can we take a moment and look at this precious sleeping child

Here is a summary of Claire the last 8 out of 10 months ...I'm sorry to embarrass you kiddo

           
                                   
                                       

Let's just say Claire has set the bar extremely high for most difficult baby ever.  Not to mention she just slept two nights in a row, in her crib, all night, and this is considered the miracle of all miracles in babies AT TEN MONTHS OLD!

However, even through the screaming and crying there have been many many happy unforgettable moments and never ending snuggles from this girl.  But through her I have learned so many valuable lessons.  So, because I'm such a kind person I will share these things with you, so you don't feel the need to experience the last 10 months of desperation and exhaustion.


1. When you think you can't go any further, you have another at least 7 months of sleepless     
nights in you.  I remember a time around 2-3 months old where I thought I was going to die if I didn't at least ask the Fire Department to keep Claire for the next 2-3 days so I could gather up sleep, however, I didn't and look at me today!  I mean yes I am a little more addicted to coffee and rarely out of yoga pants or a ponytail, but my kids still make it to school, dance, and church every week fairly put together.  So whatever the battle is you are facing in your life, a fitness milestone, a career goal, family goal or whatever it is just know when you think there is nothing left, you have a whole half of a year to go before you truly run out, which leads to our next lesson.

2.  You truly are not given more than you can handle. Yep, we all know that horrible horrible saying people feel the need to tell you when you are going through the darkest moments of your life, God doesn't give you more than you can handle.  The one where if you said that to me around month 3, I may have punched you.  But seriously Claire has really shown me how this is true.  The days where I felt I was at my breaking point and wanted to cry or scream or the days my left hand was swollen and numb because she had been sleeping on it for a week straight... it's like she knew I couldn't take it and we would have this magical night of sleep. Sometimes sleeping a majority of the night in her crib, or going back to sleep after nursing with no problem.  After the first few times, however, I learned that these were not to be taken as milestones that a regular nighttime sleep routine was happening, because seriously who would want that normalcy in their lives?  So I promise I will never ever say to your face God doesn't give you more than you can handle when you are going through something hard, but seriously I promise you will get through it.  Maybe a little bruised (or swollen and numb if it's a baby sleeping on your arm) or tattered, but you will survive.

Seriously...nerve damage has to be happening in this left arm. 

3. Have I mentioned the amazingness of coffee?  Really there is nothing else to say here except COFFEE is a must with a Claire in your life.

4. I truly understand the meaning of it takes a village...and my village is the BEST! People, I have the most amazing and wonderful and loving bunch of friends in the entire world and I feel so bad for all of you who don't have my friends.  Whether it's bringing me coffee..and occasionally baby motrin when teething Claire comes out to play, or willingly taking my screaming grouchy baby for an entire school week while I run the book fair (whose idea was it for me to be PTO president with a Claire in my life?).  They offered on many many occasions to take Claire for a night, knowing she would most likely scream but knowing I needed sleep. One of these days I will get past the guilt of keeping them up and take them up on this amazing offer, but until then refer to lesson 1 :) But not just that, these amazing ladies love Claire like she is theirs and look past her screaming and tears and sleeplessness and see her smiley times.  But not just that, they take care of me!  Again mostly with coffee, but also with friendship just texting me when I'm frustrated and letting me vent about how horrible my life is (then me being embarassed twenty minutes later for complaining that I have a healthy grumpy child), checking on me and cheering me on through this past 10 months of Claire living.  While I'm sure you can survive life without a village for support, I promise you it is so much more fun to have your village!  So if you don't have one of these amazing things, stop reading right this second and go find one. I promise your life will be more joyful than you ever thought possible.  And for my amazing amazing village (you all know who you are) THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

5. Claire has truly shown me the meaning of unconditional love. I get it and I knew I had unconditional love for Kayla and Abby, but let's face it Kayla was my "easy peasy" baby who slept and rarely cried.  Abby had so many medical issues as a baby I couldn't help but feel sorry for her difficult ways as a baby.  But then I had Claire, healthy as can be but pissed off at the world Claire. Who will never be able to tell me what was so miserable, but all I could imagine was how scary this huge world must be for her, plus add in an Abby in her face ALL THE TIME, and you know I would cry a lot as well.  There were definitely times where I would sing to her in my sweetest voice possible "you are the worst baby on the planet, yes you are" or "oh my gosh just go to sleep!!!" but the whole time I just felt almost pain that something was so horrible to this innocent baby who can't even tell me whats wrong that I even felt guilty making up these songs.  And even though 10 months later I'm just now starting to get some sleep, I look back and love every minute I have had with Claire in our family.

Look up Franklin the Turtle...you will find Claire's face 

So I'll finish with this, I promise I have many many many pictures of Claire not crying so she doesn't think she is just the forgotten third child (I know how hard it is to recover from that).  I can't imagine Claire being any different than the baby she was because without going through this past year with her my life, we wouldn't be where we are as a family.  I can't imagine our family without this bundle of crazy energy in our house, we would be bored (which is hard to say because you all know Abby right?).  So seriously if you didn't stop reading when I told you to in lesson 4, GO FIND A VILLAGE!!  Oh and make sure they have a good data package and enjoy texting (bc babies are not the best conversationalist)  :)

A New Take On Your Legacy

What will your legacy be?

I think everyone can say they have thought of this many times through out their life.  And I would say the majority of us would say we want to be remembered as someone who made this world a better place.  "She saved the world" I always imagined them saying.  I pictured myself the GM of a minor league baseball team and running all of their non-profits and traveling the world helping those in need.  Then Kayla came along...then Abby....then Claire.  And now my biggest legacy most days goes something like, "well she didn't mess her kids up that much."

So I've been reluctantly holding off on this blog post because I was completely overwhelmed by the second and the third phase of Interrupted.  I was back on my "save the world" bandwagon but I had no clue how a mom who can barely remember to brush her daughters hair every morning was going to possibly save the entire world, and raise 3 mostly well-adjusted daughters while still getting dinner on the table!

 So I went along with my life hoping the opportunity I was supposed to take would come knocking on my door.  And it kind of did, however it would be a few days before I realized it.  

You see, in my mind, my "doing" portion of Interrupted had to be something huge.  It had to come with a big calling from God that will completely wreck my life, but we will be the people who saved Wapakoneta (or something even bigger).  But I wasn't getting that big message of how this was all going to go down, so I stressed and I got frustrated as I read on in the book.  Then we met and our pastor's wife, Joy, made it all so simple, I almost felt stupid.  She told me (and I wasn't alone in this stressing) to stop worrying and just look out our front door.  There are people within our church doors who needed our love, as well as our neighbors. Our doing doesn't have to be how are we going to solve the poverty issue in our country, it's in our own neighborhood. 

Now being stubborn, I jumped back at her with the big BUT....BUT I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD?  And because she is such a wise amazing woman of course she had my answer, change it one person at a time.  When I left the church that night I can't lie, I kind of felt like an idiot, but I chalked it up to the massive sleep deprivation of having a non sleeping 4 month old. But for real, how could I have missed the point yet again.  

Don't you see, we can change the world by just loving each other, you know just like Jesus loved everyone (are we catching on yet?).  He went out of his way to hang out with those who needed friendship or healing the most, so why aren't we seeking out these people.  What's funny is we had these neighbors who I had been avoiding because, well I have no good reason other than the previously stated sleep deprivation and selfishness.  And the Friday before my realization something made me invite the girls over and the stories about their family life poured out like a fountain.  And as this little 5 year old sat there telling me her stories I was heartbroken, and a little embarrassed, that I had let my selfishness stand in the way of some much need adult encouragement and attention this girl wanted.  And that's all she wanted, was for an adult to sit and listen and after 15 minutes she happily walked herself home. 

Why are we making it so difficult?  Is it because we are more concerned about getting our name in the limelight instead of focusing on those around us who most need our love?  We are afraid no one will remember the good work I did if it is only for those around me?  Whatever the reason is for you personally, we need to look past that at the bigger picture.  If we all looked out our front door and loved all of those crazy neighbors of ours (sorry if we are your crazy neighbors!) how amazing could this world be? If we stop focusing on our own minuscule problems and focused on others wouldn't life be a little more joyful? It doesn't t have to be some huge non-profit or church we start, it's as simple as being a responsible adult figure to the lonely neighbor child, helping a new mom who is struggling, taking dinner to a family whose parents are both working to make ends meet. 

And maybe, just maybe, our greatest legacy as parents is raising children who grow up loving and helping others.  Because if we can all raise our kids to look beyond themselves and worry about each other first, think how amazing this world could be for them.  

So go look out your front door now, but only for a little bit.  After that get out there and make your legacy. 

Interrupting This Blog For Something A Little Different

Any of you who have followed my blog (ok the two of you) from the beginning know this has mainly been a parenting blog.  I've talked about how completely crazy my girls are (still are), all my fears of raising horrible kids (still have those fears), and even stood on my soapbox a few times.  Well this blog post is going in a completely different direction so buckle up.

Let me go back to the beginning when a month or so ago my lovely and wonderful friend Lynne posted a simple facebook status, "I'm about to get Interrupted". Now most of these vague statuses I find myself scrolling right past and ignoring, but because I know Lynne has amazingly entertaining children I had to stop and ask what's up with this status thinking I was going to hear a funny story.  Little did I know she was referring to Jen Hatmaker's book Interrupted. Because I had never heard of this book I had to of course go google it.  After that I made a mental note of finding time down the road to getting around to reading it.  Well two weeks down the road it turns out our church was getting ready to hold a Women's Bible Study on, you guessed it, that exact book.  So even though I have a newborn who really loves her mommy and Monday nights are beyond chaotic with dance schedules I signed up anyway.

So fast forward to this past Monday when the study actually started. In typical Monday night fashion, I rushed to the church with a few minutes to spare (And ended up with the ugly black notebook for my tardiness).  So even though I was interrupted by entertaining text from my AMAZING husband who braved the twilight hours with 3 cranky kids, I left the actual study feeling nervous yet excited.  Unlike pretty much every other bible study I didn't procrastinate to read the first section.  I actually started it by the next morning.  And finished the entire section by Thursday and all I can say is WOW.  People, you have to read this book if you want your life to change for the better.  

Over the past two weeks this one simple message has been smacking me in the face, love people.  It started when my wise friend Lisa sent this simple message in one of our group text and continued on through small groups, church and just random readings I read through out the week.  Every time it would be placed in front of me I told myself, I do love people.  I try my hardest not to judge, I help when people ask, what am I doing wrong?  And after stubbornly defending myself for two weeks, the answer was clear.  I completely missed the mark!

To get to this point I read a blog by Ann Voskamp about her trip to Iraq and because I can't say it as clear and eloquently as her here is the quote that smacked me into a complete realization.  She says, "We can talk of love all we want when we are living in our own ghettos of like-mindness.  But we only get to live love when we actually go walk to the other, where folks think and live something other than we do.  We only get to stop talking about love and actually live it when we stop waiting for someone else to do it and reach our own hand out."

Do you get it?  For so long I felt I was doing this "Christian" thing right, I help my friends and others in the church.  But that is not what we are called to do, that is not what Jesus did.  He didn't come to Earth and help those who could help in return.  He helped the least!  How did I completely miss this?  How have I spent my entire adult life being a selfish helper. You see I'm a helper if those I help will someday be able to help me in return and while there is nothing wrong with that we are meant to do so much more.  Will I change the world, most likely I will not.  Can I change one person's world?  Maybe.

So here I sit with four more weeks of this study and I can't lie, I'm excited yet nervous. I find myself really seeking out where are "the least" that I need to be helping.  But even more than that give me the strength to follow where I'm supposed to go. Don't let me find excuses and reasons that I can't possibly help anyone else.  

So for the next four weeks, you all get to go along this journey with me, or just ignore this blog :)  But really you should go along with me, because I'm so excited to see where this all leads.  

Here is probably the part that hit me hardest in phase one, Jen is talking about her "aha moment" and says, "All of a sudden I found my exact reflection in Peter: devoted but selfish, committed but misguided. And that is not going to be enough.  It won't suffice to claim good intentions.  Not with God screaming, begging, pleading, urging us to love mercy and justice, to feed the poor and the orphaned, to care for the last and least in nearly every book of the Bible. Saying, I meant well is not going to cut it. It will not be enough one day to stand before Jesus and say, "Oh, Were you serious about all of that."

Now seriously go buy her book! Because there is so much more than just this little section that will leave you feeling well interrupted :) 

Can We Just Put An End to the Mommy Wars Already?

Earlier today I saw someone post a Facebook status about a mom (or who knows, maybe not even a mom yet) belittling someone's choice to do extended breastfeeding.  This person went on to stick up for those who made this choice and was then unfriended, others agreed and went as far as to comment breastfeeding at all was disgusting and grossed her out.  Everywhere we turn we are being told if we don't do A, B or C then we aren't good moms.  Whether it's breastfeeding/bottle feeding, sleep training/co-sleeping, or allowing your child to attend a school that teaches Common Core/homeschooling (the list goes on and on and on and on), we are always being told from somewhere what we are doing wrong.

But why?  What are we getting out of these mommy wars?  Do moms really feel superior putting down others who do things different? Now don't worry I'm not sitting up on my pedestal writing this blog about all you judgey moms, I've fallen into the trap as well.  I mean my kids are so well adjusted I'm obviously doing it right :) sarcasm everyone!

 (seriously what kind of parenting is causing this)

I know I'm not the first to say this, but can't we all just get along?  Instead of telling each other what we are doing wrong can't we give an encouraging smile or hug to that mom who is still sleeping in a recliner or on the couch with their 11 week old "newborn".  No seriously instead of reading that wondering who this horrible parent is that can't get their child on a schedule or to sleep for more than an hour (on a good night) in her crib, take that adorable baby and give the mom a five minute break (please!!!). 

 

The problem with these mommy wars is we all want to feel like we are doing the right thing when it comes to raising kids, however, how can anyone ever feel like they are doing it right.  Instead of giving us the confidence as parents, we are left feeling alone and often times like failures. I am pretty sure on many many occasions I can be heard making statements of how I have messed up my kids. It has taken me three kids to realize, all parents are just doing what works for them and gives them at least a little bit of sanity in the crazy game of raising kids. And really as long as they are loving those kids and giving them shelter and some food occasionally, do we need to judge how they do the rest?  Maybe instead of doling out everything a new mom should be trying, we should offer to give them a break and or a safe placea to talk about their stresses and offering advice only when ASKED!  And let's be honest, there is a difference between offering advice and telling them how they should be doing it. It's time to truly offer friendship instead of judgement.  The way I raise my kids is no better or worse than the way you raise your kids.  They are all loved, and for the most part fairly normal.  Are any of us perfect parents?  No, we are all going to make our own mistakes, but we learn, adjust and move on.  

Now is when I get to brag!  I have the most amazing friends in the world. Stay with me here, I promise it all ties together.  No seriously I do! You truly should be jealous of these amazing friends I have (unless you are one of them, then pat yourself  on the back for being awesome!).

I had some really awesome friends in Michigan, but since moving back to Ohio I have basically a second family.  These girls have gone above and beyond to be a support system to not just me, but each other.  They stop over for a visit to hold Claire when Bryon is out of town, or drive my kids to and from events, or bring delicious delicious meat loafs and other amazing meals when we bring home needy newborn babies.  But this is just the beginning of what's so amazing about them.  What I love best about these gals is there is never judgement.  We are there to support each other no matter what struggle we may be going through.  At no time do these girls tell me how I can get my kid to sleep in her own bed. Instead  they just listen to my concerns of finding a dorm room bed big enough for Claire and I to share at college and my fear of finding a bouncy seat big enough for her professors to bounce her in when she gets fussy.  But it goes beyond parenting, we are there to support each other no matter what the struggle, image, relationships, marriage problems, ANYTHING.  

So that is my bragging, I have awesome friends and I'm a perfect parent.  Ok fine, but I do have awesome friends.  They challenge me everyday to be a better person because each and everyone of them is so amazing.  So that is my challenge to you.  Instead of judging that mom at school drop off or sitting across the aisle at church, find ways to encourage them.  It can be as simple as an encouraging smile or a simple, "it's going to be ok" when they are embarrassed by their toddler throwing a tantrum.  Let's stop putting each other down and join together, because let's face it MOMS ARE THE BEST!  And we are basically like superheroes, so imagine if all the moms joined forces instead of fighting each other.  

Ok, I must finish this...I hear the call, or cry, of a newborn who wants some superhero cuddles.  

Our "New" Adventure

Over the last couple of weeks the Zielonka Clan has embarked on a somewhat "new" adventure.  After lots and lots of contemplating, conversations, and stress I'm officially home with my kids.  Day 1 of Claire's life the mom guilt had already started to sink in, how I was going to leave this precious little girl and go back to work?  But I really didn't think I had much choice.  So I pushed it to the back of my mind and started to semi-emotionally prepare for the day 6 weeks down the road when I would leave her with the babysitter, who was more like a stand in mom for my girls than just a babysitter. Seriously Kay you are AMAZING and we miss you so much already!  As the 6 weeks went on the conversations started with my hubby on whether financially it made sense to go back to work and from my perspective can we financially afford for me to not work.  Turns out in the end it made more sense for me to be home  and so here we are...back on the adventure of "happy chaos" but with an additional kid along for the ride.

(seriously she is the CUTEST!!)

So here we are getting into our groove of being home and trying to manage some sort of "schedule." And during my first true week home with my girls I had one of those tragic reminders of how lucky I am hit.  A girl, who I didn't know personally, but danced at the same dance centre as my girls got sick very suddenly and it attacked her organs and 5 days later she passed away.  This little girl is a 5 year old and in kindergarten, like Kayla (ok K is 6) and I  don't think any parent can even imagine having to go home one night and your little girl is no longer a part of your home.  The whole thing just really hit me hard. Yes it was extremely sad, but it left me feeling convicted for how much I take for granted. 

As any parent knows, adding an additional kid to the family always has a transitional period where you are all adjusting to a new baby being home and taking care of that very needy newborn.  Add to that the very little sleep I was managing to get and you get a lot of frustration and short tempers.  To make this time even more special we were smack dab in the middle of winter which equals all kids stuck inside! 

(Poor Bryon)

 So as you can imagine I was always frustrated and just trying to convince my older kids to go play by themselves and give me the two minutes of quiet time before Claire needs to eat again.   

So here we are in the middle of this "new" adventure and this realization hits me in the midst of the tragic tragic death.  Instead of being annoyed my girls want to kiss (read this as smother) their baby sister, be joyful in the fact that they truly fell in love with this sweet new addition to our family.  Instead of constantly trying to send them off, find ways to spend time just playing with them however they want, even if it means bouncy a baby seat with one hand and playing barbies with the other. It was time for me to be the one that was inconvenienced, instead of my kids.   I need to be in the moment, and stop being frustrated that they crave my attention.  You truly never know what the future holds, and if my biggest concern is Abby wants 16 hugs before bedtime, then my life is pretty good.  Yes, I still have a right to get frustrated on that 16th hug, but I need to keep the perspective of all I have to be thankful for.  

I wish I could say this is the tragic reminder I need and forever and ever I will cherish every moment, but let me be honest, it won't.  I know there will be a time (most likely when Bry is in Germany and my parents are on vacation during the same week) when I'm going to be frustrated and just want my kids to leave me alone, because, well I'm human.  But I'm truly hoping I can start to really enjoy those little moments with my kids, those moments where I get to watch what makes them smile or laugh and what brings their imagination to life. I got that opportunity this past weekend and it was such an incredible memory.  I took the "big girls" on a special date night to see the musical Beauty and the Beast at a nearby high school. We got all dressed up and I curled the girls hair and we headed out for a night on the town!

  

I got to watch their faces light up during Be Our Guest and when the Beast turned into the prince and they all lived happily ever after.  It was just an amazing night with the two older girls and it was so nice to be out of the house and have my attention on only them.  I didn't have to fit them in, in between feedings and diaper changes.  And Bryon even pretended Claire was really good for him until we were home and then told me how much she hates him (she truly doesn't she just hates her crib!).  The rest of the weekend was just as great, Kayla had a basketball tournament and we went and saw Cinderella at the movie theater.  The first signs of spring were here and we FINALLY got to play outside!  OHHH and the best part Claire is finally starting to sleep in her crib!

So what is the point to this extremely long ramble (besides Kayla being the cutest basketball player ever!) Try to find those little moments among the frustration of our day to day schedule to truly appreciate all that you are blessed enough to have.  Yes, I know we all have our bad days and when you have kids your schedules are pretty much non-stop and tiring.  But I'm trying to really focus on how I speak to my girls.  Occasionally I get frustrated and they run off upset and I try to remind myself, what if that is the last thing I ever get to say to them?  I'm not trying  to guilt any of us into thinking we are horrible parents, because if you are my friend I guarantee you are an amazing parent.

 I know we are all going to have our moments, days, and sometimes even months.  But even in those moments, try to find the good.  Last Wednesday, I was upset all afternoon that Claire was diagnosed with bi-lateral hip dyplasia (please don't ask me what it is because I honestly don't know or really understand it) and we have to go see an orthopedic specialist and probably have her wear leg braces.  I felt like no matter how hard I try my kids always have health issues as babies.  What am I doing wrong and in general I was just down about my luck.  Then this little girl passes away unexpectedly and I realize, yes it stinks that I have another baby who has another health issue, but I get to have her home every night and I get to hold her, and talk to her, and feed her.  Does it suck she has to go get these braces, yep, is it the worst thing that could happen, absolutely not.

So, I know you are probably thinking, Lindsay this isn't rocket science, I read a gazillion blogs a day reminding me to be grateful for all that I have.  And really all I can say is, so I have I and it never sinks in so obviously you need another one to remind you :) Ok, I'm kidding, I guess this is just my way of trying to hold myself accountable to be more in the moment with my kids.  And if along the way, it helps remind you, well that is a bonus for me.  So as we embark on the journey of me being home, I will truly try to stay in the moment, and really enjoy watching them grow up because it is already going too fast!

Here we go!

Claire Allen Zielonka was welcomed to our family on January 2, 2015. It was the most relaxing (ok as relaxing as you can be) labor and birth I have had.

                                         

Her big sisters are completely in love with her.  And we have settled nicely into a family of five.  Bryon is coming to terms with having 3 daughters, all with a little flair of the dramatic side.

 So we have spent the last 6 weeks adjusting to very little sleep, overbearing big sisters, and probably the hardest part for me...no dairy!  Yes little Claire had to prove difficult in her own little way to let me know she is truly one of us, she can't tolerate dairy.  Compared to our first 6 weeks with Abby, I will take a little dairy intolerance.

During my pregnancy I thought I had faced all my fear that we would have another child with major medical problems like Abby.  Yet as soon as Claire was here I found my first question, after being sure she really was a girl, to be is her breathing ok? What does her chest look like? Are we sure the rattly breathing is normal newborn breathing?  I found myself back in the spot of just waiting for something bad to happen.  Then Miss Claire wanted to prove her lungs were functioning with no problem and she screamed the second night in the hospital from 9pm-3am. And while I was so very happy that obviously her lungs were properly functioning (not sure the rest of the hospital was thrilled about the noise) I was nervous that I wasn't going to have a nice calm happy baby like Claire and I talked about for nine months.  I thought maybe she was punishing me for calling her a gremlin that whole time.  But I'm happy to report that since coming home she is a pretty laid back baby, I mean she puts up with Abby constantly kissing her and hugging her.  And she sleeps through all the screaming and running around her.  All in all Claire is the piece to the puzzle our family has been missing.

                                

 

                                                              Sisterly Love!!!

So we are finally a happy family of five.  And at night when I have spent 6 hours trying to negotiate with Claire that her crib is a comfortable place to sleep at night, or telling myself I need to enjoy the chaos of 3 girls being home with me on snow days, I try to remind myself that not everyone is lucky enough to have 3 gorgeous healthy children at their house.  Some people don't get to bring their babies home from the hospital.  Others have their sweet children stuck in the hospital going through chemo treatments while the rest of the family is at home.  I feel like in the past year there has been so much heartbreak among my friends from childhood cancer to stillborn births.  And even though I know we exhausted moms have the right to feel frustrated as we deal with our everyday chaos, I am trying to take the time to tell myself not everyone is getting to experience this.  Some have to deal with issues on a much bigger scale.  When I am up feeding Claire at 2am, I try to remind myself that when Abs was 4 weeks old she was in the hospital hooked up 12 different pumps of medicines and a ventilator keep her alive. So having all my kiddos at home and not sleeping is easier to handle.  I'm truly trying to enjoy even the frustrating parts of having 3 crazy kids and sleep exhaustion because this is probably my last time getting to experience this stage of life.

So I guess I will stop ignoring my children while I write this and go make lunch and hope for some quiet time this afternoon.

Not impressed with winter so far,

 

A New Adventure

Ok ok, so routine is not my thing. I realize I have not posted since MAY?? Really May? But I promise there are plenty of good excuses and reasons for this lack of writing. The first, our laptop has lost all motivation to work and I think my boss would disapprove of me spending my days blogging while at work. The second, I have kids who have hectic busy lives (notice my kids have lives, not so much me). But the third real reason is we are expecting! Yes, you read that right, the girl who shipped all baby related things out of her house as soon as Abs outgrew them is having another little GIRL! Now I realize this is pretty old news if you are a friend in real life as this baby girl seems to be ready to make her appearance at any point in the next five weeks (she seems to think she is too good for a January birthday). As I sit here writing this blog in fact I'm writing through lots of little contractions. I really had high hopes this child we have dubbed Gremlin was going to be my easy going baby and so far this pregnancy has been anything but that. But I am so excited for her to get here and become a part of this chaotic family.

So as we get closer to the arrival of this Gremlin I have so many anxieties. What if this precious girl has problems as bad or worse than what we went through with Abby? How will we get through something like that again? How in the world am I going to handle a baby in our chaotic life? Will I ever sleep again? And as I make yet another trip to the restroom at 2am because Gremlin enjoys kicking my bladder non stop I realize it will all work out. One huge thing has become apparent to me over the past 6 months or so...it truly takes a village. Between my parents, the most amazing babysitter and friend in the world (seriously everyone be jealous because I won the lottery with babysitters!), our friends and family it takes us all to keep my kids alive, fed and where they need to be. I am so lucky to have everyone I do in my life. So a little catch up...have I mentioned Kayla started KINDERGARTEN!!!!! I know I can't believe it myself yet I think I somehow managed to hold back all the tears the first day I had to walk her to school.

Yes you are reading that right, she is the class of 2027. No don't bother trying to figure out gremlins graduation year, I'll be lucky to still be alive :) Abs also started preschool. Because of schedules we had to make a preschool change a month into the year, but she seems to love her new school and is learning a lot. She is still our free spirit!

Both girls are busy with dance and church and being the crazy kids they are, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I can't wait to see how little Gremlin's personality forms (hopefully healthy and liking sleep a lot). The girls are so excited to have another sister and I am so excited to watch them all grow up. The only other fun news is Bryon got an amazing promotion and is finally on first shift. It has been so much fun having him home, after I adjusted to the whole snoring at night thing again. But when I look at our family there is not much I can complain about. So that is just a little update, I promise I will try to update once our Gremlin makes her appearance. Until then I hope everyone has a spectacular Christmas and New Year!!!

Spring is Here...I think?

Do you ever have those weekends where you get to the end of them and are completely exhausted yet refreshed at the same time?  That pretty much explains this weekend!  I got a MUCH MUCH needed girl's weekend to Columbus with some wonderful women (and they willingly put up with my crazy antics).  We attended the Women of Faith Conference, and I am back home and ready to go...I am refreshed!

Speaking of motherhood I need to make an announcement,  I am the proud mom, well proud co-mom, to a beautiful baby (ok 14yr old) boy! 

Sheena and I have adopted Ramon, from the Dominican Republic.  He is 14 and we can't wait to get our girls involved in coloring pictures and writing letters to him! I would share a picture of him here, but Sheena is hogging the one picture we have of him (just kidding bestie)

But I digress, anyways I am going to share first lots of amazingly crazy pictures of what it looks like when a bunch of moms get two days with no kids, and second a little update on my chaotic life!

(yes when we get a weekend away, we hang out by the urinals)

                           (and this is how we take pictures)    (unlessyour best friend from MI is sitting  

                                                                                    about 25ft away from you! ps this was not enough                                                                                        time with you Melissa!) 

(and last but not least you spend your weekend photo bombing pictures)

Speaking of photo bombing, if you happen to be reading this and realize that beautiful lady in the green shirt just happens to be in your group picture and you have no clue why, please contact me :)

So as you can see it was a much much needed mom's weekend out!  I'm not sure they will let us out again anytime soon.  

Wow, is it finally Spring?  It must be, because I am horrible about sitting at the computer writing when it's nice outside.  Spring hit and we have been busier than ever.  Kayla is now in full soccer mode.  There is really nothing funnier than watching a group  of 5yr olds play soccer.  They sort of migrate down the field together and then one superstar kid takes it and scores.  Kayla is not that superstar kid most of the time, but she did try to kick it at the goal at her last game which is an improvement from dancing at the opposite end of the field!

Kayla has also started Tball, so we have spent a lot of time at the park lately.  Other than that we are finishing up Pre-K and Dance and I am so looking forward to summer when there is a lot less pick up and dropping off happening during my work day! 

Then there is Abs....

Abby is currently on a sleeping strike.  It takes around two hours to get her to sleep and now she seems to be crawling her way into my bed in the early morning hours.  But she is Abs and loud and independent.  She is excited to start Pre-School next year and dance. She practices her dance moves with big sister ALL THE TIME

So as you can see, we have been keeping busy, which leaves little time for blogging.  But I promise I won't disappear for years, just days at a time.  And you should do the same. Walk away from the computer and go play in this beautiful weather with your kiddos!  Alright, I am off to pick up the kiddo from dance then picnic time.  Happy Spring Everyone :) 

Time For A Change

Hi, my name is Lindsay and I'm finally admitting I am in a funk!  Let's face it, this winter has been horrible.   I have pretty much motivated myself to go to work and that's about the extent of my winter days. I just have no motivation to do much else lately, even our daily dance parties have been put on hold.  I have decided it is time to make some changes.

We recently took a trip up to visit my sister and the week leading up to it all I could think was this is the break we needed.  Bryon got to spend the weekend dry walling, while my sister and I shopped and took the girls to the water-park.  

We had a blast and the whole weekend was great.  But the thing I found when we got home Sunday, I was still in a funk come Monday morning.  I didn't feel relaxed and refreshed ready to face a new week.  So if vacation isn't the answer to my funk, I turned to my two favorite things, music and quotes.  So here is a list of quotes that are going to motivate me out of my funk starting today and a couple of songs that are helping along the way as well.  

Quote #1:  "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

This could have been my life motto through high school and college, and then I became an adult and had kids.  And now it seems like it is so easy to get caught up in the everyday stresses of life we forget it really doesn't take much to make a difference in someone's life.  I was talking to a friend the other day about some of what I think is causing my funky ways these past couple of weeks and that is this myth we have all fed into as adults that if you aren't in a job of power you can't make a difference.  I will be the first to admit my career will never be my all, the thing I base my life upon, it's not what will bring me happiness.  But at the same time I want to be remembered as someone who made a difference in my community.  As I get older I want people to feel like I had a positive impact in their lives in some way, and to me I don't feel I need a powerful job to make it happen.  However, I do need to start doing something and finding ways outside of work to start making an impact.  

Another quote that could go along with this is "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, what are you doing for others."  It's time to start focusing on how I can help others more and focus on me less.  

Quote 2:  "You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy"

I have found myself letting the crap that doesn't matter bog me down over the past few weeks.  I don't know if it is because the little stresses that normally don't bother me I used to work out at the gym or why the past few weeks this has changed.  But I need to shake all the yuck off that doesn't matter.  I'm not here to fight other people's battles that I have no part in.  I am ready to get back to focusing on myself and the goals of my own life.  So this quote was a nice shove to remind me, get rid of the toxic stuff that has no place in my life other than to weigh me down and distract me.  

Quote 3 & 4:  "Be the type of person that makes everyone you come across feel perfectly OK with being exactly who they are."

"Be an encourager.  The world has enough critics."

These two sort of go along with the quote above.  I need to say enough with the negativity and love and accept people for who they are, regardless of whether I agree with their choices.  This is a big one for me when it comes to my youth cycling class because I tend to find myself getting frustrated with certain kids because our personalities clash.  I have one in particular who will distract and disrupt my entire class if he is in the right mood, but I have found through the past two weeks we have made a connection with our love of writing.  So now I can focus him on telling me about the books he wants to write and get through a whole class with no major disruptions.  Instead of being annoyed and frustrated I can really connect and who knows, maybe impact his life as a positive encourager with something he enjoys.  

Alright, I will stop boring everyone with my motivational quotes.  But I will insist you listen two amazingly encouraging songs that can only leave you inspired to make a difference.  The first one is by Matthew West called Do Something.  Really just the title of the song makes me feel lazy!  The second one is by Hillsong called Oceans (although my lovely and amazingly talented friend, Lynne Nagel, puts the actual song to shame with her voice!).  These two songs have been on repeat this weekend and I can attest to them changing your attitude.  I am finally at a place where I feel refreshed and positive and ready to make a a change.  How exactly I am going to do that has yet to be determined, but I have no fear or doubt that I can do it...I have a few ideas up my sleeve, but that is for another blog post :)

For those that are feeling in this same type of nasty winter rut or life rut, I hope that maybe these quotes that motivate me may do the same for you....and if not, never fear, sunnier weather is around the corner.  So remember, "Either you run the day or the day runs you."

Three is the Magic Number (No I'm Not Pregnant People!)

There was never any doubt that Abby was the missing piece to our family when she was born three years ago.  How is it possible that it has been three years already!  In true Abby fashion, everything in her own  time, Abs made a very quick appearance into the world (51 minutes after getting to the hospital).  I am still working on forgiving her for denying me time for an epidural.  But she was perfect, she looked just like Kayla, and she was such a laid back baby she made parenting a newborn relaxing the second time around.  I had no worries with her, she was the second kid, she was going to be our "easy one".  

I was a little off in that theory however.  Yes the first two weeks were relaxing and great, then the next 10 1/2 months (ok maybe the next two years) were, well I'm not even sure there is a word to describe it.  As most of you know by now Abs was born with a congenital lung disease and had a lobe of her lungs removed at 3 weeks old.  There is no feeling worse than having to hand over your newborn baby to a nurse you just met for an 8+ hour surgery and trust that she will come out alright.  Well here we are three years later, and while that first year  or two was filled with doctors appointments and set backs from her time in the hospital, I consider myself one of the lucky parents who can say I have a healthy 3 year old dancing around today.  Just like I do for Kayla, here is my journal entry for Abby's third birthday.  

Dear Abby,

     I sometimes can't believe it has been three years! I have a mix of emotions when I think back to you as a baby.  While I wanted to cry, pull my hair out, and take a really long nap most days, I saw what an amazing fighter you are.  I know that this will be a trait you will always have.  You insist on doing everything by yourself and you rarely want help.  In fact you would rather run around screaming for twenty minutes trying to figure it out on your own than ask mommy or daddy for help.  I think Kayla may be teaching you the art of dramatics when you are locked in your room because you are following in her footsteps when it comes to that.  But you are stubborn and you insist you will figure it out on your own time. 

 I love watching you grow up.  You have faced more challenges than any kid should have to and you always fight through them and come out a stronger kid on the other side.  I hope that these traits carry on as you get older.  You are confident and know what you want, and that is a special thing.  You are going to grow up to be a great leader some day.  You know the perfect time to make a joke and bring laughter to our house as well as when mommy or sissy just need a hug after a rough day.  You are the comforter of the family.  

When you were first born I thought I made a huge mistake having you and Kayla only two years apart because for the first year Kayla destroyed you, then you caught up and destroyed her for a year, but this past year has changed my mind.  It makes my heart melt to hear you two giggling in your bunk beds at night and playing everyday.  You have realized at a young age you are going to grow up to be best friends and Kayla will always be someone you can count on and vice versa.  Always remember that and don't let the little fights tear you apart.  Learn from each other and continue to be my little rock stars. 

    I'm sure you have heard this story 100,000 times by now but your middle name Rachel is after mommy's best friend.  She had a way to always know exactly what I needed to hear to cheer me up or pull me out of a bad day at work.  She had a smile and laugh that you couldn't not be comforted by.  You are living up to that middle name and I know there are wonderful things in store for your future if you grow up even half as amazing as she did. I always wish you could have met her because you are so much like her it is amazing.  

 I have so many wishes for you Abby.  I want you to grow up knowing how independent and strong you are.  That you can face any challenge and come out on the other side a stronger, wiser person.  I want you to keep being yourself!  I love seeing what crazy outfit or idea you will come up with next.  We never know what story or funny thing will come out of your mouth next.  You keep us guessing and definitely on our toes.  We will never forget all the different challenges you have put us through this past year.  You have cut your own hair, pooped in the bath tub, started climbing on kitchen counters....and jumping, and how can we ever forget the worst trip to El Azteca when you decided to puke everywhere.  We never know what you are going to leave us to deal with next and you keep us on our toes.  You have made this family a happier place and we love you so much!   

Love Mommy

So there you have it, three years of Abby.  If we have learned anything from Abby it is not to doubt what someone can do just because they have been faced with challenges.  Because  of the time Abby has spent  in the ICU we have a bond and understand those feelings parents have when their child is sick. I have talked to many parents whose kids either had much worse illnesses or some minor complications and we all have a bond from going through the experience.  The one thing all of these amazing kids I have met have in common is how stubborn and strong they are.  It seems the more a kid has to fight to live, the more they fight to be independent and get through challenges as they get older.  Like I mentioned above, it is hard for me sometimes to look back and think about everything we went through.  Abby's hospital stay was truly the most difficult thing I have ever gone through.  I have never felt as helpless as I did standing by her bed watching every alarm going off and the nurses and doctors trying to figure out what is going on, and I couldn't do anything.  It is a feeling I would never wish on even my worst nightmare.  It is a feeling no parent should have to go through, but unfortunately a lot of parents are faced with it. And we are the extremely lucky ones, we got to bring home a healthy baby who you look at today and would never guess she was failure to thrive her first year of life because she couldn't gain weight.  It is going through this that has taught me to give these amazing little fighters more credit, because they are all destined to do great things because they can handle any challenge thrown their way.  

So for Abby's birthday I am going to hold and cuddle and laugh with her and remember how amazing she is and how lucky we are as a family, because not every family I met during our time in the ICU has that same fortune.  Happy Birthday Abigail Rachel!