There was never any doubt that Abby was the missing piece to our family when she was born three years ago. How is it possible that it has been three years already! In true Abby fashion, everything in her own time, Abs made a very quick appearance into the world (51 minutes after getting to the hospital). I am still working on forgiving her for denying me time for an epidural. But she was perfect, she looked just like Kayla, and she was such a laid back baby she made parenting a newborn relaxing the second time around. I had no worries with her, she was the second kid, she was going to be our "easy one".
I was a little off in that theory however. Yes the first two weeks were relaxing and great, then the next 10 1/2 months (ok maybe the next two years) were, well I'm not even sure there is a word to describe it. As most of you know by now Abs was born with a congenital lung disease and had a lobe of her lungs removed at 3 weeks old. There is no feeling worse than having to hand over your newborn baby to a nurse you just met for an 8+ hour surgery and trust that she will come out alright. Well here we are three years later, and while that first year or two was filled with doctors appointments and set backs from her time in the hospital, I consider myself one of the lucky parents who can say I have a healthy 3 year old dancing around today. Just like I do for Kayla, here is my journal entry for Abby's third birthday.
Dear Abby,
I sometimes can't believe it has been three years! I have a mix of emotions when I think back to you as a baby. While I wanted to cry, pull my hair out, and take a really long nap most days, I saw what an amazing fighter you are. I know that this will be a trait you will always have. You insist on doing everything by yourself and you rarely want help. In fact you would rather run around screaming for twenty minutes trying to figure it out on your own than ask mommy or daddy for help. I think Kayla may be teaching you the art of dramatics when you are locked in your room because you are following in her footsteps when it comes to that. But you are stubborn and you insist you will figure it out on your own time.
I love watching you grow up. You have faced more challenges than any kid should have to and you always fight through them and come out a stronger kid on the other side. I hope that these traits carry on as you get older. You are confident and know what you want, and that is a special thing. You are going to grow up to be a great leader some day. You know the perfect time to make a joke and bring laughter to our house as well as when mommy or sissy just need a hug after a rough day. You are the comforter of the family.
When you were first born I thought I made a huge mistake having you and Kayla only two years apart because for the first year Kayla destroyed you, then you caught up and destroyed her for a year, but this past year has changed my mind. It makes my heart melt to hear you two giggling in your bunk beds at night and playing everyday. You have realized at a young age you are going to grow up to be best friends and Kayla will always be someone you can count on and vice versa. Always remember that and don't let the little fights tear you apart. Learn from each other and continue to be my little rock stars.
I'm sure you have heard this story 100,000 times by now but your middle name Rachel is after mommy's best friend. She had a way to always know exactly what I needed to hear to cheer me up or pull me out of a bad day at work. She had a smile and laugh that you couldn't not be comforted by. You are living up to that middle name and I know there are wonderful things in store for your future if you grow up even half as amazing as she did. I always wish you could have met her because you are so much like her it is amazing.
I have so many wishes for you Abby. I want you to grow up knowing how independent and strong you are. That you can face any challenge and come out on the other side a stronger, wiser person. I want you to keep being yourself! I love seeing what crazy outfit or idea you will come up with next. We never know what story or funny thing will come out of your mouth next. You keep us guessing and definitely on our toes. We will never forget all the different challenges you have put us through this past year. You have cut your own hair, pooped in the bath tub, started climbing on kitchen counters....and jumping, and how can we ever forget the worst trip to El Azteca when you decided to puke everywhere. We never know what you are going to leave us to deal with next and you keep us on our toes. You have made this family a happier place and we love you so much!
Love Mommy
So there you have it, three years of Abby. If we have learned anything from Abby it is not to doubt what someone can do just because they have been faced with challenges. Because of the time Abby has spent in the ICU we have a bond and understand those feelings parents have when their child is sick. I have talked to many parents whose kids either had much worse illnesses or some minor complications and we all have a bond from going through the experience. The one thing all of these amazing kids I have met have in common is how stubborn and strong they are. It seems the more a kid has to fight to live, the more they fight to be independent and get through challenges as they get older. Like I mentioned above, it is hard for me sometimes to look back and think about everything we went through. Abby's hospital stay was truly the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. I have never felt as helpless as I did standing by her bed watching every alarm going off and the nurses and doctors trying to figure out what is going on, and I couldn't do anything. It is a feeling I would never wish on even my worst nightmare. It is a feeling no parent should have to go through, but unfortunately a lot of parents are faced with it. And we are the extremely lucky ones, we got to bring home a healthy baby who you look at today and would never guess she was failure to thrive her first year of life because she couldn't gain weight. It is going through this that has taught me to give these amazing little fighters more credit, because they are all destined to do great things because they can handle any challenge thrown their way.
So for Abby's birthday I am going to hold and cuddle and laugh with her and remember how amazing she is and how lucky we are as a family, because not every family I met during our time in the ICU has that same fortune. Happy Birthday Abigail Rachel!
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